Unapologetic dog mom - Kalia Q

Speaking from the heart about her personal growth journey, Kalia Quinores shares her take on mental health, her life's vision and her learning. 

Telling her truth and sharing the difficulties that have arisen in Kalia's life there has been one mainstay and that has been her connection to animals even while she learned and navigated herself and determined how to understand who she is. 

The brilliant petreneur and spiritual podcaster of Light above Solitude is open and honest in her conversation about what she has learned, people who have guided and mentored her and what she has planned for her bright future. 

Guest: Kalia Quinores 
Host: Urmi Raval 
Sound Editor: Maja Pronko 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to Eternal Paradigm. Together, we're uncovering human experience by exploring physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual stories. With me, your host, Ermi Ravel. Hello. Welcome to this episode of Eternal Paradigm. So I am quite, let's say, a little bit sad because the Creativity Series has come to an end for the time being. That's not to say it won't be back. But it has come to an end for, like I said, for now. And we're moving on. We're moving onwards and upwards. And I am so, so pleased to have you here join me. We are celebrating. The podcast listeners are increasing. The community is growing. The feedback I get is still constant and big. So kind of be a part of that. It's just been truly phenomenal. What is possible when you allow yourself to move to another space? And that's been true for all of my guests, for all of these incredible souls who have joined me to talk about their experiences. And also for all of the listeners who take away at least one thing from every episode, because that's what it's about. Your experience is yours. My experience is mine. We all feel things and connect to things in different ways. And that is the beauty of being human. We may be able to connect on bigger ideas or beliefs or whatever have you, but ultimately, When it comes to being human, it's all about connecting to your human experience. And that shows up for people in so many different ways. And that's why this podcast is what it is. Even though everybody has know some some of the conclusions that the guests or even you as a listener may have come to in life might be the same as someone you know next to you your experience and your journey that is the focus and that is the most important thing we get so fixated on the destination we get so fixated on this idea of what the conclusion should be but ultimately It transcends that. We're here to have a human experience and that means living. That means being. That means, you know, experiencing. Let me not take away too much time from what else is happening, peeps. So we have an incredible episode for you today with Kalia, who is going to introduce herself and tell you more about herself and who I absolutely adore. Like, Totally adore. She is incredible. Before we head off, just a quick reminder. There are new and exciting things in the pipeline. Make sure you've checked out the Eternal Paradigm website. Have you signed up for the newsletter yet? Have you done that? And if you haven't, why not? So what else can I tell you guys about? Obviously, there's the Facebook page. Have you headed over even to the Facebook page? Have you checked it out? Have you joined the Eternal Paradigm Facebook group? We're currently celebrating 27 members, which is quite exciting. The Instagram community is also growing, which is absolutely phenomenal. Keep it coming. Keep it coming. And also, guys, it's not just about growing the community. And this is so important. It's about being a part of a community, to be an active part of a community. You basically be a part of it. That means you share your learning, you share what you're able to in a way that is considerate and respectful. And that's what I would really, really encourage all of you to do. And I am so grateful for everyone who gets in touch with me. I love that. I think it's absolutely phenomenal. But I would also love to encourage you and invite you come over, join the Facebook group. I will not lie, I have been quiet for the last few weeks, partly because of a few health issues. But That is how things go. Ultimately, you will find more information on the website, as I keep saying every week, is currently being worked on in the background. In addition to this, we've also, like I said, got the Facebook group, we've got the Facebook page, and we've got an amazing Instagram page as well. Head on over, get in touch, keep in touch, and keep listening. And this episode is, we're coming back now, so as many of you were able to Join us for the creativity series, which was phenomenal. It was amazing. I mean, it was just so much fun to record, to connect with these incredible, incredible people, some of who I am now connected to and will be planning on hassling them and just being on their radar for like a long time. But coming back to this, I keep doing this. I keep going around in a circle, trying to tell you something and then coming back. So let me start from this point. Let me just say, Join us, join the community. My next guest. So we've got episodes now for the next four to six episodes. Four to six, not four to six. But there are things happening and I do plan on taking a short break in between as well. And I will be appearing on other podcasts, which I'm really, really, really excited about, really looking forward to. And also it's because it gives me a chance to talk about other things, not just some of the depressing things that I have spoken about on Eternal Paradigm. Not to say that Eternal Paradigm is at all depressing. It's just some of the subject areas that we do end up covering tend to be quite kind of heartfelt, very much around kind of emotion and emotive experience Yeah, actually, life itself is not just about having emotive experiences, right? It's about being truly connected to the creative process. That's what it's all about. So now I'm going to leave you to let you head on over into this incredible episode. Keep in touch, stay in touch and check out Kalia's amazing podcast, Light Over Solitude.

SPEAKER_02: 6:37

My name is Kalia Quinoris. I identify as a fellow podcaster and a petpreneur. I'm an unapologetic dog mom, and I'm obsessed with growth and anything woo-woo and out there. I have a podcast of my own, like I said, called Light Above Solitude, where we talk about self-growth and self-discovery. And I also have a pop-up shop for dog lovers. It is called Front Seat Rider, named after my little hound, Mixed Rider.

SPEAKER_01: 7:05

I love the fact that you're just unapologetic. Like, I am not apologetic. And I kind of feel like, should I apologize for my kids?

SPEAKER_02: 7:14

Because I always am.

SPEAKER_01: 7:16

I'm like always apologizing because they've done something they shouldn't have.

SPEAKER_02: 7:21

That is understandable. My dogs do the same thing. But my thought behind unapologetic was actually when the dog mom movement started and the real moms had an issue with us calling our fur babies babies because it is a whole different experience. But if you break it down, it's really these are souls, living beings that I'm taking care of and I'm responsible for their health, their safety, their well-being. And to me, that is just the basic love of being a mother and a nurturing figure. So I am unapologetic with calling myself a mom, even though I haven't had human babies.

SPEAKER_01: 8:01

Thank you for opening up about that and for being clear, because one of the things we put a lot of focus on is actually physically carrying a baby. And actually, when it comes to nurturing and being nurturing, that's something that all of us can do towards each other and towards animals. So thank you. that

SPEAKER_02: 8:22

absolutely so that's why I'm unapologetic

SPEAKER_01: 8:25

that's good that's good so tell me okay we have spoken before and there have been some weeks where we've spoken a lot pretty much every other day and I love the fact that you're also open about anything woo woo let's talk about the anything woo woo that's close to my heart

SPEAKER_02: 8:45

yes sure thing so I think I will have to do my backstory now so Francia Writer started as a blog. I was just looking for ways to make money online because I knew I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to live that entrepreneurial life and I needed to figure out how to get out of my nine to five. So how do I make money? Start Googling how to make money online, right? I found blogging and I'm like, okay, I've written things before. I enjoy writing. So let's try this out. And then I was like, what the heck am I going to talk about? You know, what am I passionate about enough that I can continue to bring content, that I continue to bring enthusiasm to this thing? And I was like, it's dogs. It has to be dogs. So I started Front Seat Rider, named it after my little hound mix. And three months in, no joke, I was like, this isn't working. I can't do this. I can't just talk about dogs. I have to go deeper. What do dogs really mean to me? And all the dogs and all the animals in my life have just been such a crucial part in my mental health and just the growth of me as a person. And it's really funny how it happened because it was the end of 2017. So by January 2018, I decided I was going to change the blog to talk to dog moms about depression. And 2018 was the year of the dog. So I was like, okay, this is frickin' Perfect. and nobody was any wiser. So I wanted a place where people felt safe to really explore and come to terms with what they were dealing with on the inside, not have to put up a persona or a front or a mask, and really be okay if the only person you feel safe around is your dog, because that's where I was at. I couldn't make human interactions. I wasn't safe to be my own self. And so I found that sanctuary within the animals in my life. And I wanted that message to be okay and break that mental stigma around mental health. So I started Front Seat Rider. You

SPEAKER_01: 11:15

know what? That's so, so powerful because like you said, you realized you had to go deeper and that absolute recognition of the fact that dogs and animals generally were actually helping you giving you that space to face yourself at that time when you had to show up as someone else. And that's a really tough place to be. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 11:39

Yes, it is. It was really interesting looking back on my journey because I knew this bigger mission. I knew the mission of of letting people know it's okay that they have these feelings and letting people know that it's okay if you do have to perform as what I call a high-functioning depressed person, where you do have that persona of everything's okay, life is great, but on the inside, it's not okay. But I never had the chance to dive into that myself, so that process happened while I was blogging. That process happened of I now put myself in this position where I have to be this guide for other people. but what's my story? Why do I feel that this is important? It wasn't until I started writing those blogs that I realized that my depression started as early as the age of seven, which to me felt unreal. I knew we have the angsty teenage hormones and all that other stuff, but age seven and I It all started because we moved at that age. And we moved from a cul-de-sac full of kids to out in the country, a mile, if not more, from the next child. And we lived on a highway, so it wasn't like I could just walk there. So it was really an interesting journey, just figuring myself out as I was putting myself out there at the same time.

SPEAKER_01: 13:03

That is incredible, the fact that you were able to reflect and dig back and go back to that child, the seven-year-old you, where your world had changed. And that's a big shift.

SPEAKER_02: 13:18

Yes. I didn't know if I really believed in mental health in such a young age, honestly. The typical adult, right, is like, what do children have to worry about? They don't have bills. They don't have to take care of themselves, all these things, right? And I never had that. I wasn't from a broken home. My family was still intact. My parents were in a loving relationship. I never had, say, hardships or traumas that I went through. But it started from that lack of, I guess, socialization when I moved. And we moved to the country where we started accumulating animals. And therefore, animals did become my family and my friend group. So it was very interesting looking back on how these all tied into each other.

SPEAKER_01: 14:06

Yeah, I can imagine. So tell me what happened when you started accumulating the animals. What was that about? What is it that shifted for you? And what changed for you at that point? Had you had animals or pets before that?

SPEAKER_02: 14:22

Before we moved, my parents had two dogs. My dad was the dog person and my mom is a cat person. But my dad had two dogs. My mom had two cats. We also had... some ducks, and I think one or two chickens. And I had a rabbit very, very briefly during that first home, that first place. And so I knew I had a connection with dogs. My very first dog was my dad's dog, Pua, who was a Doberman Pinscher. My dog after we moved to the farm was a German Shepherd mix. But Pua was a Doberman Pinscher, and she had a very calm personality. wise spirit. She was very, if you look at the breed, they're very majestic and regal, very statuesque, I say. But her demeanor was so calm and so zen and so happy and loving. And she actually became my nanny dog because she and Brandy, who was a Britney Spaniel, were there before I was born. And so when I came into the family, Pua just took me into her arms and just made me her baby. Like, she would protect me no matter what. And so growing up from zero to seven before he moved, she was my biggest support system. I was afraid of our other dog because... If anyone knows Spaniels, you know that they have a ton of energy, right? They're always bouncing off the walls. And as a little person, that scared the poop out of me. So Pua would sense my fear and just put herself in between me and Brandy and just be that shield for me like, okay, I got you. So from the very, very beginning, I knew I had this connection with animals. I knew I could trust them. And then when we moved, my mom had it set on her heart to have a little farm. Even though she's the city slicker and my dad's more of the country person, my mom wanted this little farm.

SPEAKER_01: 16:21

Amazing. And she had her heart set on this and that's it. It was going to happen.

SPEAKER_02: 16:27

Yes, it was going to happen. To this day, she's obsessed with cows. Everything in her house is cows, but we've never had a cow because she loves them too much to have them as an entity to the farm. That is so funny. Yeah. So we ended up, like I said, accumulating all these animals. We started out with little things. We had the cats from the move. We didn't bring the dogs with us, which is also kind of this confused child, like, where did my friends go? I now have nothing. Come to find out that they were at just that point in their life where the move wasn't going to be very good for them. But I didn't learn that until I was a teenager.

UNKNOWN: 17:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:11

So we started accumulating. We had chickens, rabbits. We ended up getting two miniature horses and a large horse later on. Goats, like the works, right? And a couple of years into our move, we ended up being gifted. A friend of the family adopted a dog for us because she knew we needed another dog. The German Shepherd mix, Chelsea. And Chelsea quickly became that filler for where I was missing Pua. She's definitely a different type of dog. She was more high energy and she was a lot younger too. So that played into it as well. But Chelsea became my best friend when there was no other kids around to play with. And I didn't have a whole lot of friends at school. So I'd come home. And I'd sit with Chelsea on the porch and she became that zen spot for me. I'd sing to her. I'd tell her about my day, all the things. And then as I grew up, the farm became my responsibility. I would feed the animals before school and after school. And just with that interaction alone, being their primary caretaker, they were my family. It became all of them. I'd tell Slick, my little miniature horse, how my day went and he'd come over and give me kisses. And I'd I'd ask him how his day with his favorite cat, Sadie, went. All these things. So my connection with animals has always been like there. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 18:36

it's lovely. And, you know, it's just lovely to be able to have that as an experience because not many people do. And even if they're naturally wired to be near animals, our kind of life it doesn't allow it if that makes sense

SPEAKER_02: 18:52

yes my my partner right now my boyfriend he's never had animals growing up but he's always loved them and as an adult he's the one that all the friends call the house and dog sit and so since we've been together he now has our two fur babies and yeah he's just so happy you would have never known that he never had this experience as a child

SPEAKER_01: 19:12

it's so important that children are allowed to explore the world with animals and I Yes. A lot of what you have been talking about in all of your memories of the dogs and the animals, you've touched on this. You've said, oh, you know, so-and-so had a really zen kind of vibe and the energy was there. And unless we humanize them, we don't really allow them to be who they are. And I think that's one of our flaws.

SPEAKER_02: 20:01

Yes, I love that idea. I've never actually put it so succinctly. So thank you. But it's true. I mean, if I didn't look at them as my friends and really try to get to know them outside of you're just a different species. You're an animal, not a human. And therefore, we're on a different level. We're all, I feel, on the same level. We're all on this planet. We all incarnate as something. Some people are human and some people are animals. And those souls are just as intricate as we are. They just communicate in a different way. They live in a different way. But they're the same thing. inside. I don't know how I'm able to say this succinctly as you are, but they have souls. They are very soul and spiritual beings.

SPEAKER_01: 20:47

Yeah, no, I get that. And this is actually really, really important because you've found that in your journey, as you were going through your own spiritual awakening, your different growth, almost like your aha moments, that you were able to connect spiritually with your pets.

SPEAKER_02: 21:06

Yes, yes. So going through the blogging and learning Thank you so much. I was depressed. And he would really feel into what I needed and mirror that in a way that was purposeful and meaningful in my life. And each one of these animals have done so. I now have two dogs. I have Ryder and Lena. And Lena is the complete opposite of Ryder. So now I feel as if my mental health is in a plateau. We've talked about this before where mental health is that strange thing where it's fluctuating all the time and you have highs and lows. But for the most part, my mental health is stable. My emotional health is stable. And now that that's so, we have adopted a dog who's very mellow and zen. And she teaches me about just patience. The art of receiving is what I'm really learning from her, just waiting for the things. The universe always has your back. She's never going to go without a meal. She's never going to go without going outside. She'll just wait for it. Oh, it's that time? Great. I received that gratefully. It's that time to go out. So there's just so many lessons that I've learned from each and every animal along the way. And it wasn't until I got involved with the brand Dog is Good and my mentor Gila, who wrote the book Fur-Covered Wisdom, kind of about her journey with mental health and how her dog Bolo has helped her out of that. But she talks about dogisms, which are all the lessons that you've learned from dog or that she personally has learned from her dog. And after looking at all the aspects, like Yes, dogs teach us unconditional love. Yes, dogs teach us loyalty, but really breaking down how they live their life and applying that to how we live our life. It's amazing to see how many lessons that you can really learn from these beings because they're also spirits that are walking this earth and they have to learn how to be of the world that we're in also. So it's been fascinating. I love them.

SPEAKER_01: 23:54

Yeah, absolutely. You know that when you talk about the fact that when you weren't feeling like you could perform, you know, show up, that it's okay because Ryder was there to turn it around. To me, it sounds almost like was there as a reminder that actually go back to basics because the simple things are actually what you need to remind you that you're human. And that's a significant lesson for all of us.

SPEAKER_02: 24:20

Yes, absolutely. Go to the bathroom when you wake up. Feed yourself. Get a drink of water. Yes, these are very, very elementary needs that all souls on this earth need. And he was definitely a constant, tangible reminder of get outside. Fuel your soul. I call it photosynthesize. Get your sun rays, your vitamin D in. And feed yourself. Drink water. Be in the moment. Because what I learned throughout this process, too, is that mental health is about living in the past or the future. It's never about living in the present, where my depression stemmed from what I felt were past failures. But now I know nothing is ever a failure. And then anxiety that I felt, writers helped me with my social anxiety. I used to never want to go outside and walk him for fear of running into other people. And He's helping me with that because he's cute. And people who are dog lovers would be like, oh my gosh, what's your dog's name? Tell me about him, blah, blah, blah. And it was just this natural icebreaker that I was able to just get over my fear. And okay, I know how to talk about Ryder. Ryder is cute. We can bond on this. This person's not going to harm me, not going to whatever. And so this reminder constantly of staying in the present. What do you need right now? You need to eat. What do you need right now? You need to get out. It's amazing. They're amazing creatures.

SPEAKER_01: 25:52

Absolutely. Like you said, mental health is this up and down fluctuating journey from day to day, from moment to moment. And developing the tool sets on how to do that and deal with it or do whatever needs to happen in that moment is so important. But when you now reflect on your depression, because you've mentioned that there was a significant change in your life when you were seven. What were the other factors that came up for you when you were dealing with it or really living in, I want to say the depth of it, but I don't know if that would be the right way to term it, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02: 26:31

Yeah, I think so. So the significant point was the moving at seven. And then I feel from that point on, it was the normal stressors of going to school, trying to make friends, trying to fit in all these things as a child and not knowing how to express myself fully. I think Brene Brown puts this as best as I can imagine putting it. She talks about the difference of fitting in and belonging. Fitting in is about trying to do the things to get accepted, trying to find your place by assimilating. We are all trying to fit in, which is crazy, and therefore we're all not being our full selves. Whereas belonging is where you're fully accepted for who you are, whether you're similar or different from somebody else, you find a place in a community where they just love you for who you are. And so I was battling this, I'm always being somebody else and I never fit in. And so I had these depressive feelings and then I started to become depressed over my depression because I look around and I say, you have a good life. You have a family that loves you. You're going to a good school, this, this, this, and the other, right? And I never had some big trauma to blame it on. So that's another reason why I'm a believer. And it being a chemical imbalance because there really wasn't a reason for me to be depressed. And then I held on to those throughout school through leaving the home and trying to adult. And then at 20, my dad passed. My dad and I were closest. where I ignored grieving. I thought I was grieving because I felt sad. I'd cry. I'd allow myself all these things, but I wasn't really grieving. I was really focusing on how my mom was handling the situation or how my sister was handling the situation. So say like five years down the road, I finally allow myself to grieve my father's death properly. And then I get into toxic relationships, this, that, and the other, and was basically oppressed and due to those relationships I was in. I dabble in astrology now, and it's really interesting to find out that my son is in the seventh house of relationships, which just means that I need to master the art of finding myself and being true to my identity within the relationships I have. So my whole 20s was just losing myself in relationship after relationship after relationship, not finding my place. And so it wasn't until my late 20s where I realized I was in a relationship I thought was healthy because we weren't bashing heads. We weren't abusing each other mentally, physically, emotionally, all the things. It seemed safe. I had a good job. I had Ryder at that time. I had all the things that I thought I needed, and I still had those depressed feelings. And it was that moment when I was like, something needs to change. I have nothing else to blame it on. I don't want to say I'm over my dad's death because I don't think you're ever really over it, but I've healed from the grief. You know, I had everything and I still felt these feelings. And I turned to my supposed to be husband and I said, this is how I'm feeling. I have no excuses to blame depression on anymore and I still have it. I need help. And I got the response of, why don't you just be happy? So I took that advice and I went and found myself help. But it was just like this constant lack of responsibility on myself, I think, because I just let it happen and blamed it on my surroundings instead of owning myself and saying, why do you really feel depressed? What in your being needs to change for you to feel better? joy, to feel meaning, to feel purpose, to feel accepting of yourself. That was basically the thing it was. I never accepted myself fully. And so this whole journey has led me to this point where I've dealt with depression, and now I'm coming into more of the self-growth and spiritual side of things, which I believe through this whole process, I've been extremely spiritual, but I didn't know what to call it. Yeah. That's how I've got here. And I feel like the grief and the toxic relationships were the biggest players in my mental health.

SPEAKER_01: 31:36

I'm really sorry about your dad. Thank you. Everything you've said is so... What I'm hearing from you is I feel like you've just taken me on a roller coaster. My bad. Yeah. No, but while you're speaking, you can hear what was happening because you're showing up everywhere as essentially not you. And that is so hard to keep up with. It's the hardest thing to do.

SPEAKER_02: 32:06

Yes, now that I'm in my spiritual awakening and however you want to call it. Yeah, whatever we call it. And now that I'm exploring more, that's why I'm like a huge proponent to growth and self-discovery because everyone's made different. Everyone is completely different. So once you truly know what is made for you, what things you're supposed to be working on this lifetime, what your talents and desires are as a person, just discovering some tiny little things like my life path number in numerology, eye-opening to what What I'm supposed to be doing here. And now I have a purpose. Now I have meaning. And now I can move forward. And I feel less like, who am I? How have I lost myself in all these relationships? How have I done all these things to this point? And I still can't tell somebody. What my hobby is, what I do for fun, who I am. Like there was a point in my life, somebody asked me, who are you? And I say, my name's Kalia. That's the only thing I'm certain of right now. How are you? How let's throw back at you. What, who are you? What's your

SPEAKER_01: 33:27

name? This is such, oh gosh, so much. This is where I'd like to kind of ask you a little more about your Hawaiian heritage, because, you know, this is another area, again, that we've touched on, we've spoken about. And you know that I am, my parents were immigrants and I am first generation child of Indian parents. So culture and heritage, having that connection to it, understanding it is so important. And yet you have that as one layer of your life experience. And then you also talk about numerology and astrology and all of the, you know, the tarot and this whole other world of, I guess, if we call it woo-woo, because that seems to be the technical term for this conversation, at least. But I'm there. So, you know, tell me a little bit more about your Hawaiian heritage and what happened there. Because when you mentioned that when your dad passed away, he was your main connection to that world, to that part of you.

SPEAKER_02: 34:31

Yeah. So that, like you said, Thank you so much. So my dad gives me my Hawaiian heritage at the simplest form. I call myself Hawaiian and white, but really my dad in true Hawaiian fashion is a mixing pot of all the Asian, all the things and like a little bit of Dutch in there. So I think I have blood quantum for Hawaiian, Chinese, Filipino, Portuguese, a little bit of Puerto Rican, which I found out after my dad died because to gain my my father's death certificate, we had to find his birth certificate. And he was born before Hawaii was a state, so it was harder to track down. But once we did, his mother claimed on his birth certificate, Puerto Rican. We didn't even know that that was part of the mix. So I'm like, well, maybe that's where I get my fiery, like... fiery energy when I get mad. So there's all of that. But simply put, I just say Hawaiian on his side, and my mom is Caucasian. And of course, I grew up in Washington State, very country setting where it's predominantly white. So I automatically stand out. However, I didn't know a How this really played on my life until the last couple years, but there were times when my mom would pick me up from elementary school and people would ask her, who are you? What are you doing? Why are you taking this child? And it's like, I, of course, at that point had no idea what they're talking about. And they'd be like, who is this? This is my mom. I didn't realize that she looked different from me. She's just my mom. She's picking me up from school. And then, you know, my dad was really adamant that we got to know our heritage. He put us into hula lessons as soon as we could find them because for our area, we're hard to find unless we commuted like three hours. So when we are able to, he got me into dance lessons. I have been a Polynesian dancer since I was 11. And he did as much as he could to try to incorporate the culture into my sister and I's life. But there's been just like instances here and there throughout my life of people asking me, you know, what are you or what's your background? What's your heritage? What's your culture? All these things. And I would say Hawaiian and they'd be really excited. I'm like, oh, how long did you live there? And I would say, oh, I was born and raised in Washington. And then the conversation would just die. Like it'd be this awkward, oh, and the person would walk away or something. I'm like, wait a second. Now you're not interested in me anymore? There was this weird dynamic of because I've never lived there, I don't have the Hawaiian blood quantum anymore. Like I'm not a significant Hawaiian enough anymore. There was even like in my 20s, I felt so bad. I was working retail and this cute little Hispanic woman came in. I'm talking like grandma, adorable Hispanic woman. She walks right up to me. And granted, we're also in a town that was predominantly Hispanic. And she just, she just talks Spanish to me, just walks up to me, strange person, starts speaking Spanish and And I was like, what do I do? What do I do? And I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish. And she just gave me the meanest look, just so angry and was like, talks to Spanish again. And I'm like, I'm so sorry, I don't speak Spanish. And she ended up huffing it, like so angry, booking it out of the store. And I turned to my coworker and I'm like, I feel like I need a t-shirt that says, I don't speak Spanish. I'm Hawaiian. I'm sorry because I just completely offended that grandma. Like she's probably walking out thinking this generation doesn't want to speak their native tongue. Oh

SPEAKER_01: 38:31

my gosh. That's so painful. It is. I mean, hilarious. But at the same time, I kind of feel like your t-shirt probably should have said not Caucasian enough, not Hawaiian enough and not Hispanic enough, by the way.

SPEAKER_02: 38:45

Yes. Like so many people have Yeah. I've also come across people who are predominantly not a fan of BIPOC community. And then they find out that I'm the quote, what right type of brown, like I'm a US based brown, as in, you know, US territory, Hawaii is now a state. So then all of a sudden, the conversation flips and you're like, oh, you're American. That's cool. Whatever, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, so what if I was the wrong kind of brown? What if I was not? And it's just these tiny little things. It's taken a lot of shadow work and deep soul diving to find peace with myself. Because as I even was starting my podcast in October last year, I decided I felt really, really cold. to make an episode about my name, just my name. The one thing that is your most significant identifier when you meet somebody is your name. My dad didn't have the best education system. Back in that time, they were still shunning away from speaking Hawaiian in the home and the school and stuff like that. They were focusing on teaching English. So he didn't get a lot of the native language of Hawaiian. And when it comes to naming me, he knew he wanted to name me Kalea, and he spelt it K-A-L-E-A, which in English would be like, okay, Kalea. But in Hawaiian, it's actually pronounced Kalea, which has a whole other set of meanings, a whole other everything. So just knowing that, coming to a Hawaiian gathering and saying your name is Kalea, but if somebody saw the way it was spelt and realized your name's not Kalea, your name's Kalea, That had a whole nother layer of who the hell am I? And so now I'm going by an I, like in the last three years online, all my stuff is spelled with an I because my name, my dad would hammer it home. I named you Kalia. Well, Kalia is spelled K-A-L-I-A. And he would always tell me, if you went to Hawaii, you would fit in perfect because everyone looks like you. I'm Hapa, which means half, or in this instance, you know, half Hawaiian, half white. He's like, everyone's Hapa. Everyone looks like you. You'll be fine. But when I try to blend in with people, I do okay until I start speaking. It's like, you look like you fit in. You've got just enough brown, you know, or if it's over here, you have just enough white, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. Even in the Spanish community, you look like you fit in until... Somebody tries to come to you and talk, where did you grow up? What island are you from? You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they hear my voice and they realize that I'm not connected to a place where they associate with. I'm completely isolated. So it's like this whole dynamic of how do I be okay with that? And it's been this few year journey of just learning. I'm perfect the way I am. And there's so many benefits to the fact that I can relate to all these different worlds. I can relate to the Hawaiians. I can relate to the Caucasians. I can bring together whatever mixture of heritage and culture that I want is perfect for me. And so it's been a ride. It's been a ride for real.

SPEAKER_01: 42:24

You know what? It definitely sounds like it, but it sounds more like other people have a stronger affinity and a need to box you up because it makes them feel better, you know? Yeah. And when it comes to your name, I'm so glad you mentioned that because that's actually one of my favorite episodes because it's something that really hits home with me because I have a short four letter name that has Sanskrit origins. But actually in India, you know, it's a name that is specific to certain regions, certain languages, certain cultures and backgrounds. And yet at the same time, it's a very strong Russian name and it's four letters. Oh, yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 43:26

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 43:28

Yes. Yeah. I have a confession. I've said it now. I love that.

SPEAKER_02: 43:34

Thank you for confessing. That's so juicy. It's like you're one identifier when people meet you. What's your name is usually the first thing. And if you're confused at any point at what your even name is, how am I even going to go into the fact of like, what kind of person am I?

SPEAKER_01: 43:53

Oh, gosh. It's so tough. So tough. What's in a name? Yeah, we could go Shakespeare, right? Yes. So I think what comes up for me is you've spoken about the kind of heritage thing. the mix, the being able to be who you are, but in different places and unearthing and discovering who you are. And yet when it comes to, especially with dogs, we kind of celebrate crossbreeding. We celebrate the, you know, and yet the same kind of generosity or kind of human acceptance is not afforded to people. And that seems quite sad.

SPEAKER_02: 44:34

Oh my gosh, that's so true. Dogs have made this stellar transition from the backyard on a, you know, a chain on a pole or whatever you have it to inside the home and now to in the bed and to wherever we want to take them. And it's so true to see that evolution with mutts as well. Mutts used to be the breed nobody wanted. Like we don't even know what this is. We don't want it, right? And I pride myself because I do use a lot of dog lingo in my promotions, day-to-day life, whatever you want to have it. I call myself a mixed breed because really, like I said, I don't know all the things that even made up my father. So how am I supposed to know what makes up me? But with this evolution, of like the designer breeds. Now we have the golden doodles and like how huge that they've become. They're a mutt. They're two different purebred animals making one new designer breed. And sooner or later down the road, I mean, really everyone's going to be a mutt. I'm hoping that we all become an inclusive community and we all start co-mingling, but like The designer breed in the dog world has made leaps, bounds, and strides in the fact that we're more valuable if we take the assets that we want from each other and build a cohesive unit that celebrates all the aspects. All the aspects. We love golden doodles because they're friendly like a golden retriever, cute and manageable, and hyperallergenic like a poodle. Why can't we be like that with all the people? If I look at myself and I say... I love the fact that I have dark brown hair and brown eyes, but I also love the fact that mashed potatoes are possibly the best food on the planet. I can embrace every aspect of myself and know that I'm perfect and I'm more valuable because I have all these other experiences in my life.

SPEAKER_01: 46:28

I love that. I'm with you, by the way. Mashed potatoes are... anything potato man anything potato exactly it's like bring it on oh I love that and so what I like to ask guests at this point is if you could share a question for the listeners it could be any question that you have faced asked yourself you know what would you like to kind of leave out there

SPEAKER_02: 46:55

Oh, man. So I'm going to cheat since I'm also a podcaster and I have a few closing questions that I use for my podcast. My new thing right now is asking people what lights you up. Because if you really get to the root of things and think about what makes you happy, that's what the world needs. The world doesn't need another accountant or dog walker or all these other things. They need people who are simply just doing what makes them freaking happy. If you're emulating that light that was given to only you, the things that make you light up, then the whole world is going to receive that light and warmth. Nobody's going to ask, well, how did you get there? What are you doing to do it? They're just going to know that you're living in your complete happy state. So what lights you up? Dogs light me up, but let's get deeper than that. I like also asking the seven whys to unfold the depths of things. So why do dogs light you up? Because they're awesome companions. Why are they awesome companions? And just keep unfolding all the way down to the end of what truly lights you up and why. If you're not doing it, do it. Do the thing is the

SPEAKER_01: 48:08

most important part. Thank you so much. I love that. And actually the asking the why and then questioning with a because. It's my favorite thing to do.

SPEAKER_02: 48:16

Yay. Awesome.

SPEAKER_01: 48:19

So where can people find you?

SPEAKER_02: 48:22

Sure. So I'm on Instagram at the spiritual dog mom, and I just opened up a new community called luminaries, which is a companion community to the podcast, but you don't have to be a podcast listener. And it's at luminaries dot light above solitude.com.

SPEAKER_01: 48:41

I hope you enjoyed that thank you for joining me for this episode of Eternal Paradigm join me next time