What was the pivotal moment in your life where you decided to choose yourself? - Emmanuelle C

In this episode, conscious entrepreneur Emmanuelle Chasse speaks about her life journey of going from being a bakery owner in Montreal, Canada, until the pandemic hit and things changed dramatically. 

In this powerfully reflective episode Emmanuelle, a single mum, shares the challenges that have showed up for her and how she has navigated life through some incredibly difficult times. 

Speaking openly and so deeply, this conversation moves from light lighter to some dark and dense moments of loss and abuse. 

Guest: Emmanuelle Chasse 
Host: Urmi Raval 
Sound Editor: Maja Pronko 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Welcome to Eternal Paradigm. Together, we're uncovering human experience by exploring physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual stories. With me, your host, Ermi Ravel. Hello, welcome to this episode of Eternal Paradigm. I hope you're enjoying your journey to find you. This is a really, really incredibly deep journey. I think most of them are, right? There's always some sort of depth or uncovering or discovery or something. Something that just kind of shows up. This episode is with my incredible friend and this amazing soul who has come into my life. Her name is Emmanuelle Chase and you will hear more about Emmanuelle's story in a bit. But I just kind of want to give you a heads up on what's been going on in my life. So as I am recording this, I have just had the most incredible live training experience with Marisa Peer, learning, understanding, and really, really kind of jumping in feet first into RTT, which is a tool that's used in hypnosis. Hypnosis is something that I have always, always, always been interested in. And also because I have been a bit of an amateur hypnotist for a few years now. So when RTT came into my life, it was at a time when nothing else was working. I have been in all sorts and different types of therapies pretty much from a very young age. And now I'm in my 40s. So when you get to this point in life where nothing else has worked and you can't quite figure out why, you just can't help feeling that there's more and more wrong with you. And then RTT came along and changed a lot of that for me. And I am not going to make it sound as though things happened overnight, but they almost did. This incredible, incredible... new way of being, new way of seeing, and new way of understanding became possible because of this incredibly powerful tool, RTT, that's Rapid Transformational Therapy, that's used in hypnosis. And now I am also able to share this with my clients. You may remember this episode with Peter a few episodes ago. He is also an RTD colleague based in South Africa and his journey to get to the point that he's at has been truly incredible. And now I'm going to introduce you to Emmanuel because this woman blows my mind. Another one. You know when... When you really, really want to start connecting with people who just have a different way of resonating, it just becomes so possible. Anyway, I realize I'm kind of going all deep and meaningful, so I don't want to do that. Let's keep it to where it needs to be. I am really, really, really excited to kind of give you a really quick update. So check this out. We've got new members who have joined the Eternal Paradigm Facebook group. Yes, that's true. In addition to that, we have some really interesting episodes coming up. I have an incredible episode coming up with a parenting coach. And you know, as a parent, you're never really taught how to parent. Your understanding of parenting really comes from your parents and your connection to the caregivers around you. And the reason that is really, really important to know is because you, when you become the parent, have a choice to understand that there's another way, that there's a different way. And many, many people I know decide they don't want to parent like their parents did. Their challenge becomes they don't know any other way to do it. And so I'm really, really excited to bring this next episode after Emmanuel's one. In addition to that, I have got, oh gosh, it's just lots of different things happening. Again, I have been a little quiet on socials, but that's just a temporary thing while I am sorting a few things out. And I guess that's it. But you know where to find me. The Eternal Paradigm Facebook page, which is there. It's all there. You get all the latest episode updates. A few bits of information will be on there too. I hope you listened to last week's episode with Madiha, especially as it really talks about inner healing and understanding her journey and process in that area. What else have we got? Oh yeah, we've got the Instagram as well, the Instagram page, the Eternal Paradigm podcast, which is also there. And as I mentioned, the Facebook group. I'm also really, really, really excited to share with you and more information will be available if you are following me directly, me. I'm actually going to be running a few events this year, stuff that I've already been doing with many of my coaching clients, which has just been absolutely phenomenal. But I'd really like to invite you to invite others to to join this because it's incredibly powerful work and now would be a good time to start doing that, especially where the world is still in to varying levels in different stages in terms of the COVID pandemic, but also because people are at very different stages within themselves. So I'm going to be announcing very soon dates for the inner child exploration and I invite you to come and join me. More details on that will be available. However, for the time being, I am going to now leave you with this incredible, incredible. Oh, just absolutely. I mean, you know, there's the whole thing, that whole bromance thing. And when you have like a girl crush and all these things. I mean, I am like crushing on a kind of fifth dimension level here. I mean, it's just incredible. This woman absolutely blows me away. And I am so grateful that I am able to be in this position to share her story with you. Keep listening. Remember, keep your feedback coming. I love hearing from you. It's absolutely amazing. Not only to hear about where you're at on your journey, but also to hear about what you've got happening in your life. What's shifting? What's changing? What revelations have you had? What realizations have become possible for you? And also, where do you want to go with that? I'm always here, always happy to connect, to talk, to really hear what you have to say. And obviously, if you want to take it further from there, that's also an opportunity and an option. But for the time being, keep your feedback coming. Keep on listening. Truly grateful. And here's another amazing guest for you.

SPEAKER_00: 7:08

I am the consciousness that's driving this avatar, this meat suit around. And my given name is Emmanuel Chase. And that's who I am today. And for this life here on earth, I guess.

SPEAKER_01: 7:21

I like the fact that you're carrying the meat suit

SPEAKER_00: 7:24

around. Carrying the meat suit. You know, I was asking myself, who's driving the show? And actually the purpose of it was in the meditation to see, can I get a glimpse of who my soul is, my consciousness? What is she like or what is it like? So yeah, great question.

SPEAKER_01: 7:39

What came up for you in your meditation? Did anything come up?

SPEAKER_00: 7:45

I'm someone with, you know, I think I'm funny, a great sense of humor. I love to laugh and I'm very caring. So it was just more of a, the aha moment was that, that part of me, that part of my personality is part of my soul. Just someone who loves to help and care for others and laugh and love, just like a huge ball of love is what came up. So I'm good with that.

SPEAKER_01: 8:07

That sounds absolutely amazing. And I'm getting a really warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest hearing you say that, because that feels absolutely right. So tell me, Emmanuel, what is life like for you at the moment? What are you doing? Where are you at?

SPEAKER_00: 8:23

Life for me at the moment is all about surrendering the control, the need to have a clear direction, surrendering the need to control the outcome and sort of following the breadcrumbs that the universe is laying out. And that in the last year and a half has been complete 360 degree change of lifestyle, going from a busy entrepreneur with two bakeries, a single mom running staff, doing all of the things that entrepreneurs do, being a pastry chef in the kitchen 16 to 18 hours a day to a complete, you know, the carpet being pulled from underneath me and the universe saying, you're not in alignment with who you are. So you're going to take a nosedive to the bottom of the barrel, but don't worry, this is in your best interest. And the last, I would say, 14 months has been getting back up and dusting myself off and following the breadcrumbs. And that's led me to so many different avenues and possibilities and being open-minded to it. I followed the path into RTT, exactly the same program that you did, and that's how we met. And so now I'm a rapid transformational therapist and access consciousness bars facilitator and practitioner. I'm also a mindfulness coach. And so that's who I am now, surrendering the need and the control to know where that will take me and blissfully being at peace in the moment, enjoying all that I've learned, putting it into practice. And fulfilling my purpose and mission on earth, which is to help people transform their lives and come into alignment with who they are.

SPEAKER_01: 10:00

Wow. Okay. You had me at pastry chef. I'm not going to lie. I'm still stuck there.

SPEAKER_00: 10:05

Are you hungry?

SPEAKER_01: 10:11

No, but I feel a little bit like I know you on this level because we've connected over, like you said, with RTT. And when it comes to you being a mindfulness coach, access consciousness

SPEAKER_00: 10:24

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 10:24

all of these different things are how we've come to connect because we're both you know on our kind of paths in our own different way trying to do the same thing if that makes sense absolutely but I'm still stuck on the pastry because can can you just how did all that happen and obviously the last 14 months the 18 months have been big the shift is significant everything that you've learned now through all of this understanding that you've gained if you had all this knowledge and learning now back when you were running two bakeries an absolute entrepreneur how would it have changed things for you

SPEAKER_00: 11:02

It would have changed everything. It would have changed so much. I mean, my earliest memories, I've always been what I call perfectly awkward. I've never fit into any mold. I've always been the girl that questions everything from the youngest age, looking up at the stars at night and thinking how there has to be more and always feeling like life is a parade and I'm a spectator. I've always felt that way. So for me, sticking to one thing If that makes sense, studying one thing and thinking to myself, I am committing to spending my life doing this one thing that doesn't seem right. You know, I've always felt like there's so much to learn, so much to do. I'm curious about everything. Fast forward to after I was married and had my first child and I went from sales job to sales job. I've always been an entrepreneur, always in network marketing, but curious about so much. And at one point, my ex-husband said, you need to focus on one thing. And the kids were home and that's how baking came about. He says, you're always baking for us. You're always baking for our friends and family. People love what you do. Why don't you make a business of it? And I followed that. That was the mold he was trying to So knowing what I know now, I completely and wholeheartedly understand and believe that we create our reality as we go. If I could go back just the last three years and tell myself, be mindful of your thoughts, be mindful of what you're attracting by what you're thinking. Because when you're in those moments of frustration, despair, almost hopelessness, helplessness, not knowing where to go next, you're completely pinching yourself off from your inner guidance system and your intuition. And you're stuck in this 3D dense reality and you're making decisions and choices based on what you're feeling in the moment. You're not going with the flow. So I would tell myself, just follow your heart. That's how I started the business was following my heart, following the inspiration, following the creativity. And I let the pressure of trying to control the outcome, always wanting to do more, always wanting to be more, always wanting to be more for others. And I pinched myself off from source, from my connection with my higher self. And the dream became a nightmare. So I would go back and say, just keep following your heart. Keep doing what feels right, what feels light. Be mindful of your thoughts because the more you think in a certain way is what you're attracting. So that big pile of horse doo-doo that's in front of you, you put that there, girl. Now you're tripping over it. That's what I would say. A long-winded answer, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 13:54

But it's a really important answer. It's a really significant place to be. Thank you for that. As you said, you followed your heart. and things made sense and things were kind of going a certain way. And then you also talk about being put into a mold or somebody else creating a mold for you to fit into. It's so

SPEAKER_00: 14:16

difficult to explain, but just that free spirited side of me, you know, I love people. And so I would build these businesses, these network marketing businesses, and I would achieve my goals very quickly. And once I would achieve them, I would still feel empty and emptiness inside. Like it wasn't enough. Like this wasn't the path. It wasn't about the money. It wasn't about the, oh, you've reached this circle of influence or you've won this award. It was just something feels off. And for my ex-husband at the time, that was very difficult for him to understand because it was like, You know, you put your heart and soul into this business. You've grown it. You've done well. And six months later, eight months later, 12 months later, you're feeling completely unsatisfied. Something must be wrong with you. And so I started to buy into that, that something was wrong with me fundamentally. Why couldn't I stick to one thing? It wasn't the lack of will, determination or passion for success. It was just getting bored. Like, okay, I've done that. What else can I learn? So I did. I baked. Martha Stewart was my hero when my kids were little. And the Food Network came out at the time and TLC and all of these programs. And I would see these moms doing all of the mom things and organizing their homes and pickling their own pickles and making jams and having gardens. And I decided that I was going to force myself into that mold, that I was going to create a persona version of me because I needed to create that because that wasn't me. Me was like... You know, I remember when the kids were little telling my husband, like, okay, we're going to buy a camper van, a motor home, and we're going to travel around North America. And then we're going to take it to Europe and we're going to homeschool them and we're going to see the world. No, I mean, we're divorced now and he's still in the same job and he's been there for 22 years and he's unionized and he loves it. And he's just great at that. But I wasn't. You know, when he sat down with me one day and he says, listen, you're excited when you're baking. You're smiling. You love to bake. You're so creative. I've never seen these kinds of desserts and cakes and you just, I can feel your happiness. And so I believed him. But what both of us didn't expect was that I felt happy because that was an outlet for creativity. That wasn't my job. I didn't take my passion and turn it into a job. I don't know if you and I have ever spoken about this, but for me, definitely as an empath and someone who just loves to give and a carer to associate money, charging money for the products that I was making was very difficult. It was hard to assign a value to the product because it was something that I love to do. So when the shift happened from this is my passion and I get to do this for people that I love to now this is a business that has to sustain our family, that shift was hard. And that's when I felt more of the disconnect and saying, but okay, I have to keep doing this because these are his expectations. I can't quit this because he thinks that I quit or give up on everything. Even though for me in my mind, I wasn't quitting, I was accomplishing and moving on. And I didn't want to let him down. And so I stayed in that lane. And every day I forced myself and I did it. I did it well. You know, the goal was to become the best cupcakes in Montreal, and I achieved it in three years. But I never wanted to let him down. And so that guilt of what will he think if I come up to him and say, hey, I want to sell the businesses, been there, done that, let's move on. Let's get that camper van. It was the fear, the guilt. And also, I would say a little bit of shame of why can't I be like everyone else and staying in my lane? If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01: 18:01

That does. And that's so much to deal with. And there's so much there because like you said, there's the dynamic and the pressure of the relationship, the expectation, and then how you're processing the emotions in this whole setup.

SPEAKER_00: 18:17

Yeah. And for me, one of the biggest blows was when we decided to separate in 2018. And he kind of checked out because he always kept his full time job. And not to say that he didn't help out, he really did. Because he, I see that now that he felt that he was helping me. build my dream. And so he would work his eight-hour shift and then he would come to the bakery and he would do the cleaning and the floors and the garbages and the recycling and clean the ice cream machines and clean the ovens so that I could focus on the creativity, the sales, the marketing and all of that. But when we separated, he kind of checked out and he very easily let go and was able to say, well, I work and now I want a social life. And so he would schedule himself like an employee and And I remember one moment, one day being in the shop, one of the stores, and just having a proper grown-up tantrum and meltdown and thinking, how the heck can he check out from this when I'm doing this for him? This is his dream. This is what he wanted. And here I am grinding it out every single day from 5 a.m. to midnight, 1 o'clock in the morning. trying to keep these businesses going for his dream. And his point of view was, well, I helped her start off her dream. She's good now. Wow. That's

SPEAKER_01: 19:43

just, you know, just as you're speaking about it, I can hear that you're able now to process it from so many different angles because you were in it. You've moved outside it. You've moved to another perspective. You've seen it from his perspective. Exactly. That's a very evolved thing to do. I want to say grown up in inverted commas, but I don't know what being grown up really is about.

SPEAKER_00: 20:08

I don't know either. But, you know, for me, I didn't want to be known or, you know, publicity was never a thing. But one of our Bay Priests was in a small suburb of Montreal and he I would say a small town and we're the local ice cream spot and bakery. And I'm the girl who blasts the music, puts her hair up in a bun and I do what I have to do and I can stay focused for 12 hours at a time. But people would want to meet me. People would want to discuss their wedding cakes, their custom cakes. And of course, I became the face of the business. And so for him... his perspective was like, what do you have to be miserable for? People love you. People know you. You walk down the street and people are saying, oh, there's Emma. Or the little kids are saying, oh, there's the ice cream lady. You should love that. You should be happy. You should be grateful. So that plays with your psyche as well because you're saying, what am I not seeing? Why am I so ungrateful? But it's not about not being grateful. It's about not being in alignment with who you are. I was inspired and creative. I like building things. I like starting businesses, the startup aspect. Be going from zero to a hundred and then I'm easily able to let go. And so to be able to see it now and say, wow, that was a hot mess of guilt and both of us doing things that we thought the other person wanted and not communicating our true desires and wishes because of all of the guilt and expectations that are attached in relationships and partnerships. And we were not able to authentically be ourselves and just embrace each other's wants and desires and say, okay, well, we're going to build this business. We're going to do great. And then we're going to let it go and sell it and move on to something else. We attached way too much expectations.

SPEAKER_01: 21:55

Attaching expectations. Just to add to that, you said that you're that person. You can stay focused for 12 hours and getting the buzz, you know, the startup, the getting things started, the adrenaline, the doing that. There's so much in what you're saying that I connect with it so much. I get it. It sounds exactly like where I've been. Do you feel that in those moments when you were doing that, did you feel alignment or do you feel that you were just expressing your disalignment through creativity?

SPEAKER_00: 22:28

By staying focused for long periods of time or?

SPEAKER_01: 22:31

No, more like the actual, you know, the buzz of getting something started.

SPEAKER_00: 22:36

No, that's me. That's my alignment. I can start. That's me. That's where I thrive. I have this and I never fully understood it until now. That's why this year has been so amazing in so many ways. But I'm literally the person who wakes up every single morning with a new business idea, with a new product idea, with a new marketing idea. And I have several of these throughout the day. And it's always been like that. So running up to your partner or your friends and being like, oh my God, I just thought of this. Wouldn't it be the coolest thing? And then I start doing the research for it. And does this exist? And how can we do it differently? And oh my gosh, this would be amazing. And people get confused because they're like, well, you're already doing something. So you must be self-sabotaging. You must be resisting the process of what you're focusing on. But that's just how my mind works. That's part of the curiosity and the thirst for life and wanting to do as many things as possible and staying in alignment. That is truly who I am. I love business. I love people. I love the creative process. it all ties in with that little girl who is looking at the grownups doing the same job day in, day out and hearing the relatives come home and talking about their days and Sue and Janet and Margaret and Bob did this again. And the water cooler is not in thinking, Oh my gosh, they do this every single day. So that's authentically who I am, you know, is not being able to, and I don't want to say conform because I'm able to conform. I conformed, but it's more of the, conforming to the standards of society of sticking to one thing and staying in your lane for your whole life doesn't resonate with me. That's the beauty of RTT, wouldn't you say? We're doing something different every day. We're meeting new people every day and it can be the same presenting issue. It can be weight. You can see a hundred people in a month that have weight issues, but the root cause, the journey, the story, the who they are is different. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01: 24:43

That does. That makes absolute sense. And it's so, oh gosh, everything you're saying makes sense. I feel like, you know, ever since we've met, I've always felt that I just feel like I know you. I feel the same. You know, and it's so fascinating because I'm hearing you speak. Obviously, you're speaking about things here that we haven't potentially spoken about. Well, I'm just like, oh my gosh, that's just me. That just sums me up. I do the same thing. I will wake up. every morning and have different ideas and work them out and start researching and the conforming side. So when someone asks me what I'm doing, this is where it gets a little bit messy. And so yes, being a hypnotherapist, having RTT as a skill in that process is kind of easier and it opens things up exactly like you said. A

SPEAKER_00: 25:33

hundred percent. And when people ask me what I do, I always say I'm an entrepreneur. I'm a serial entrepreneur because that's who I am. So when they say, well, what's your job? What's your business? And it's coming up with new and creative ideas and seeing how I can implement it into the marketplace. But it took me a long time to allow myself to say that.

SPEAKER_01: 25:53

What was the holdback? Was it everything around you or you feeling safe enough to say that? What was it?

SPEAKER_00: 26:00

Yeah, feeling safe enough to say it. And of course, all of the work that I've done on myself and everything I've learned about this life and what is expected of us for our life here on earth. You know, my deep and strong connection to the universe and just being able to have an awareness of what my purpose is and finding alignment and saying, you've always known what your purpose is. What are the moments in life? What can you recall that you felt the greatest, the lightest and the happiest? And it's always when I'm creating or developing and I'm inspired by the newness, by the possibilities, the endless possibilities. That's when I feel the greatest. But to be able to say that when you're in the mold and people ask you what you do, I would always say, oh, I'm a baker. And it would infuriate my ex. He'd be like, no, you're a bakery owner. And I'd say, but I'm a baker. Or I'd say... I'm an entrepreneur. I own a business. But I would always gauge other people's energy. I would try to feel out the conversation and see how they would react. And then I would adapt myself to what I thought they wanted to hear. And I'm able to let go of that now.

SPEAKER_01: 27:11

That is a hell of a lot of pressure on top of everything else that you're navigating in that place in their life. You're reading the other person's energy to gauge where they are in order to work out what you should say or not say. Yes, I know the feeling.

SPEAKER_00: 27:26

I've been there

SPEAKER_01: 27:26

too.

SPEAKER_00: 27:27

Because there's so many people that your light shines too bright for them. And so you need to turn it down and make it more palatable for them. And that was part of the being in the mold and me not being in alignment with myself was always trying to gauge how other people would react to the brightness of my light. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 27:47

I love the brightness of your light.

SPEAKER_00: 27:50

I love the brightness

SPEAKER_01: 27:50

of your light too. We, again, you know, we've mentioned this before and you said that you have been diagnosed with ADHD. Yeah. Are you okay to talk about that? Of course. I love it. Because I, as you know, from a very personal thing, my husband has ADHD and He had a very late diagnosis in life. Actually, he's opened up my world to being and living in such a different place. So when I started speaking to you and you were opening up about your experience, I am so grateful to have been able to be, you know, you have superpowers, like incredible superpowers. It just astonishes me at what you can achieve and how it becomes possible. So tell me about your, you know, as much as you're willing to, obviously, to your whole kind of journey, what happened and how did that all come about? It

SPEAKER_00: 28:50

actually started with my eldest son. He would have behaviors that were questionable or he would, he's such a highly, highly, intelligent boy from a very young age. He would read something, he would retain it, which is how my brain works. So he never had to study. Doing homework, he'd be done before everyone else. And then he'd get bored. So he was the class clown. And so for years, I struggled with Here's this incredibly intelligent boy who is easily surpassing all expectations, doing the work in class. He's participating. He reads at a grade five level in grade one. He understands quickly, yet easily. the behavioral issues that are coming up and trying to navigate with, but he's a good kid. He's not a troublemaker. And then through the years, realizing that he's bored, he's not being challenged enough and going through the whole education system and then trying to label him. And when he was in the sixth grade, I had a conversation with the principal who said, well, his behavior is becoming a nuisance. It's disturbing the teachers. And as the mom who had been saying for years, he's just not challenged enough.

UNKNOWN: 29:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:00

You know, the work is not challenging enough for him. His mind works differently. So he finishes the work and there's still an hour for everyone else to complete it. And he's expected to sit in his chair and read a book. But for him in his mind, that's a punishment because he's done. He did the work and he got amazing grades. And so trying to navigate between feeling for him and seeing that in myself. The school suggested that we go see a child psychologist, and we did. And he had the ADHD assessment and the IQ test, and it came out that his IQ is through the roof. He has ADHD. And when he was diagnosed and the label came out, he was very resentful and angry. The psychologist, when she was going through the results with us, she said that it was hereditary, that there was a component that was hereditary. And so my son was like, well, if I did this test, you have to do it also. Throughout the whole process, I kept saying, this is a journey and I'm walking alongside of you throughout this journey. So when he challenged me and he said, I did this test, you're going to do it too. I laughed and I said, of course, I'll do it. And of course, it came out that I have ADHD through the roof. And I also have ODD, which is oppositional defiance disorder. So when I talk about conforming, this was the aha moment for me that made so much sense because the authority that I'd been defying my whole life was fitting into the mold. I was 30, 32 years old when I was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. And so I'd been a highly functioning person with ADHD and the doctor kind of laughed and she said, well, you know, we can definitely put you on medication or try brain retraining techniques, but what are your challenges? What does ADHD look like for you and how does this make sense to you? And I remember laughing and just telling her, you know what? I would just really love for one day to wake up and remember exactly where my keys are. Not be like a little chicken running around the house looking for my keys every day. Or I'd like to remember certain things. Or when people speak, I get so excited because I can relate that this impulse to cut them off, which for a lot of people that don't have ADHD, makes us seem rude. Makes us seem rude and self-absorbed and self-centered. And that was the issue that was the hardest for me my whole life because it was like, I'm not interrupting you because I'm self-centered. I don't want to talk about me. I just want to tell you that I feel you. So of course I told my son, I said, there you go. There's your answer. It's hereditary. You get it from me. So this is the gift of life that I've given you. Yeah. I mean, that's the story behind that.

SPEAKER_01: 32:43

It's interesting because ADHD and ODD for women well for every individual it's so different the experience and yet we're seeing more and more women who are actually you know things that like exactly like you said just falling into place later on in life when things just haven't kind of been easy or made sense because they've been trying so hard to fit into this mold on top of another mold and it's In what you're saying, the education system itself can be unhelpful in that sense. process of creating and perpetuating this mold?

SPEAKER_00: 33:19

100% because they would say things to him like, well, things come easy to you now, but just you wait. When you get to high school, you're not going to be able to just read a paragraph or read a chapter, read a book and retain all the information. Just you wait. Life is going to get harder. You need to study. You need to focus. Or he's been told since grade one. And this is something that was said to me my whole life and so hurtful and traumatized But you're wasting your potential. You have so much potential. If only you could calm down, focus, sit down and complete what you've started. Or for me in math, when I was younger, I would look at a problem, I would read it and I'd write the answer. And I would get zeros on my tests. And I would get very low grades because the teacher would want to see the work. And I wasn't able... Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01: 34:37

And that's still the case, especially when it comes to maths and working out and being able to show that. And it's actually very, very disheartening when you don't have the, like you said, be able to express or explain how you came to, you know, you've got the solution, but how you got there.

SPEAKER_00: 34:57

Yeah. You know, my brain works at a different speed. It's like in my mind, I'm always playing Tetris. And this is hilarious, but I'm going to share. My partner now is an engineer. He's a mechanical engineer. He's very rational-minded and Cartesian and very structured in task lists, to-do lists. He's constantly working with blueprints and architecture firms and math comes so easily for him. And this is his world. He's so freaking structured. For him to see someone who's more free-spirited in our dynamic and our relationship, but all that to say that we've just moved in together. It's been a few weeks now. And although he's a freaking engineer and he walks around with a measuring tape and he's got his little notebook and he's got AutoCAD and every room in the house is on AutoCAD with the exact measurements, bringing pieces of furniture into the home will take him two hours to go on AutoCAD to measure, remeasure, see, and the angles. And I can look at it and instantly say, that's going to work. I'm going to go up two steps. I'm going to turn it to the left a few inches, and then I'm going to lift it up, turn it to the right, and it'll go in. And, you know, at first we'd have all these arguments and he's like, well, you can't just know that. You can't just know that. I have my measuring tape and the doorframe is this many inches and blah, blah, blah. And I would say, yeah, but because I'm constantly playing Tetris in my mind. So for me, I can see it. I just see it. It fits. And I'm going to figure it out when I get there. So just grab your end of the piece of furniture and just do as I say. And the frustration because his mind doesn't see it. And it's hilarious when you watch us because anyone in their right mind would see me and go, she needs to quit while she's ahead because he's an engineer. He's got a freaking measuring tape tattooed on his butt. The guy does this for a living. So what is she doing? And you know what? He laughs all the time because I don't want to say I'm always right. But oftentimes he looks at me after completely puzzled and he will never say you're right, but he'll say yes. Well, that was lucky. I don't know how that fit, but that was lucky. That worked. I didn't think of it like that. Or I didn't think of turning it on its side so it wouldn't be so wide. Something that for me is like, are you kidding me? He didn't think of turning the bookshelf on the more narrow end. But for him, it's just, that's my life. Trying to constantly convince people that I can see it. You can't, but

SPEAKER_01: 37:23

I can. That is so brilliant. Because that's, like I said, it's like... your superpower right because you can have structure and logic and everything else measuring tapes and all these apparatus and equipment but ultimately you're getting to that point and you're like nope let's get into it and we'll make it work

SPEAKER_00: 37:42

100% it's like just do it yeah You know,

SPEAKER_01: 37:47

brilliant. And so I'm going to bring you back to the RTT because you have got some plans in the pipeline. And just generally in terms of what you're able to offer to people, because everything that you're offering is that you're able to share with people in terms of your, not only just your experience, but the skill sets that you've really developed in this space. pandemic or panoramic, which I know you call it too. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. One of the things that is really, really important, and I feel that you'll get this when I say this is the pandemic has had a significant impact on so many people for so many different reasons and yet not everybody is like us kind of going through it and you know growing at a totally different rate if that makes sense and I mean size wise as well because food yeah exactly but you know what is it that you're making available now? Because life is different for you. You're in a different place. Your alignment is there.

SPEAKER_00: 38:57

So what does life look like for you now? You know, I've been asking myself for the last few months, what does it look like? What are all these pieces? I always joke about following the breadcrumbs that the universe lays out in front of me. And I've taken the leap. I've followed the breadcrumbs. And what became clear to me is that people resonate with things people with others who have gone through similar situations. For me, I've always been very reserved, very private about my struggles in life, my journey. My father was a narcissist. My mom was an alcoholic. She left when I was three months old. I was raised by my grandmother who suffered from manic depression, verbally abusive, and going back to live with my dad in my teenage years and suffering physical abuse and sexual abuse. Through all of that, when I was eight years old, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. And you in my eyes. So struggling with the health issues my whole life and sort of navigating and growing up through that and leaving home when I was 15, because for me, it was a question of survival and never sharing that. And then my relationship with my ex-husband, who I would say out of 15 years, 16 years, we had one great year. And then he started becoming unfaithful and cheated on me through the whole relationship. And birth of my kids and then miscarrying our third son and finding out he's still being unfaithful during all of that time leading up to the point where in 2014 the inflammation in my eyes had become so chronic that for years my central retina in my right eye had become detached Starting 2010, after I lost my son, I was diagnosed with glaucoma in my right eye. And by 2014, the pressure had completely deflated. My eye deflated like a basketball. And having been faced with the only solution, which was to remove my right eye, going through this with two little kids in a relationship that you know your husband's being unfaithful. taking the decision, having your eye removed, going through all of that, questioning yourself. I gained so much weight. I'd been diagnosed with diabetes. I mean, it was a hot freaking mess. And then coming out on the other side of that and trusting him to start a business, knowing that, but wanting so desperately to make him happy and to make myself happy and to try to salvage my family, which ended up, you know, You can't salvage what is broken, so deeply broken from the start. But I realized now that that's what I'm here to do. I'm here to share my story. And that's what Access Consciousness and RTT and studying mindfulness, studying living consciously is. That's the answers I'm getting is that you didn't go through all of that so that you could keep it compartmentalized in a little box inside of you. You're there to speak about it because you help through sharing. You help through speaking about your journey. People want to know how did you go through it? How did you survive? What was... the pivotal moment in your life where you decided to choose yourself. How did you keep waking up every morning, being a mom? How did you lose the 65 pounds? So this is what I realized that I'm here to share my story. And that is the most frightening, the most uncomfortable. And I think that's the challenge. That was the last challenge for me. I don't want to say through my whole life, but in this last year was okay. Now you have the knowledge and the skills, but this is your last test. Emmanuel, you have to share what you've gone through. That's how people will resonate. That's how you'll reach them. That's how you can inspire them. And now with the skills you've acquired, you can actually help them take the first step, take the leap to step into their greatness, to change their lives if they're ready. And so that's where I am now is allowing myself to share my story, not looking for pity. I've never worn the victim hat. I've never looked for pity. And just to allow myself to share my story and say, it's okay that you're sharing. You're sharing so you can inspire and hopefully help a few people. You're not doing this for attention. You're doing this because you've gone through this for a reason. You understand what that reason is now. And so that's where I am. What

SPEAKER_01: 43:26

an

SPEAKER_00: 43:26

incredible,

SPEAKER_01: 43:27

incredible place to be. And yet at the same time, like you said, it's still uncomfortable. It's still not easy.

SPEAKER_00: 43:35

Because it's new. And we know, right? Our mind wants to keep us safe. So we stay in the familiar. Yeah. But just reading comments sometimes online in forums and I'll read someone say, well, I have two earth babies and I have an angel baby. Like never would I speak about my miscarriage. I wouldn't speak about it because it was like, it's something that I've gone through and I don't need to burden anyone else. And just seeing other women being brave and being vulnerable and saying, well, she didn't say that because she's looking for pity. She didn't say that because she's looking for attention. She's saying that because she's acknowledging that she has a third child. And that's love. That's coming to terms with the hardships. And that's bringing meaning to the hardships.

SPEAKER_01: 44:20

Yeah, absolutely. I get that. And like you said, it's your truth.

SPEAKER_00: 44:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 44:26

And it's up to you when you're ready to share it. And actually sharing it opens up a whole new world for

SPEAKER_00: 44:35

It does. And the part for us, I feel with the skills that we've amassed and you as a life coach, I'm sure you see this all the time is people often say that they're ready, but a part of them still wants to hold on to the old script because that's comfortable.

SPEAKER_01: 44:51

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, how many times do I do that? but I'm learning how to coach myself out of it, you know?

SPEAKER_00: 44:58

It's true. And just to create your own narrative. And that's the tricky problem or not the tricky problem, but definitely beautiful contrast is when you're speaking of your story. And then I also talk so much about the law of attraction because I believe in it so much. It's how I live my life. And so people will say, well, yeah, but do you really think that you created a reality in which you ended up losing a child or losing an eye or a partner that was unfaithful and that's where people have the resistance they say well how could you have attracted that to yourself how could you have unconsciously manifested such horrible things and that's why consciousness and awareness is such a big piece of the puzzle

SPEAKER_01: 45:45

Absolutely agree. And I feel like we're going to carry on having so many conversations. But Emmanuel, where can people get in touch with you? Your details will be included in the show notes as well. But

SPEAKER_00: 45:59

how can they reach out to you? Oh my gosh, they can reach out to me via my website, which is rapidtransformation.ca. And they can also email me, emma at rapidtransformation.ca. Yeah, they can get in touch. All of the details are on the website. I'm always here

SPEAKER_01: 46:17

thank

SPEAKER_00: 46:17

you so

SPEAKER_01: 46:18

much

SPEAKER_00: 46:18

thank you for this beautiful conversation I appreciate you I

SPEAKER_01: 46:22

absolutely appreciate you you're incredible

SPEAKER_00: 46:25

thank you for having me on your amazing podcast

SPEAKER_01: 46:28

I hope you enjoyed that thank you for joining me for this episode of Eternal Paradigm join me next time