So much of the journey I experienced was all about what really is reality - Nicola M

Life Coach, Energy Practitioner and Cacao Facilitator Nicola Melly joins Eternal Paradigm host Urmi Raval on this incredible exploration of her life.

Nicola speaks about her vision to open a retreat that could become a commune, her spiritual awakening at the age of 36 and how after drinking ceremonial cacao she decided to leave London during the first lockdown and moved to Cornwall.

Even though we do not talk about this in this episode, Nicola's first first job was importing olives and olive oil.

Nicola offers some incredible insights into her life journey and shares her knowledge about ceremonial cacao among many other things.

Find out more about Nicola here. 

Guest: Nicola Melly 
Host: Urmi Raval
Sound Editor: Maja Pronko

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to Eternal Paradigm. Together, we're uncovering human experience by exploring physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual stories. With me, your host, Ermi Ravel. Hi, welcome to this episode of Eternal Paradigm. I hope you're enjoying your journey to find you. Before I head into this week's episode, I just wanted to share with you some incredible feedback that I've had over the last week. Excuse me. Just generally, really, about Rohit's episode last week, or Rohit, I should say, seeing as I am on a mission to pronounce our names correctly as they should be. It was actually really interesting to hear. So many of you growing up have had experiences of feeling different, of being the outsider, and some because of your visible differences that other people have really felt the need to point out, and others who have also felt different for their own reasons. And, you know, being different or feeling different We all feel that, and that's what makes us the same. So my guide, my mentor, my hypnotherapy teacher, my RTT teacher, Marissa Peer, always says this, and there's so much value in it. Being different is something that we all have in common. Being different is actually what makes us all the same. That's why this episode is actually such an interesting conversation with this incredible soul. In the Creativity Series, you must remember, I spoke to Lucy, Lucy the artist, and she's incredible. If you haven't heard that episode, head on back to the Creativity Series, because we had such a laugh, such a laugh recording that episode. Lucy's introduced me to Nicola, and Nicola's my guest for this week. Before you go on to listen to this really interesting, fascinating conversation where we both say interesting and fascinating a lot, because that's apparently like a prerequisite of being someone, A, who's curious, B, who's inquisitive, and C, who's kind of has a level of conscious awareness, let's say. Remember, Eternal Paradigm Podcast is available on Instagram. We've got a lovely community there, so come and join us. Facebook, we have the Facebook page where every week you'll get an update with a new episode. We've got the Facebook group, which we are currently at 30 people in the group. And, you know, you can join the group because it's an open group. You can post questions. You can share information. As long as I approve of it, it's all good. As long as it's decent and respectful. So what else have we got happening? I mentioned a couple of episodes ago that I'm in the process of putting together the inner child exploration. I have more details about that coming up over the next two weeks. And I'm really excited to share that with you. However, for this episode, I am superbly excited to share my conversation with Nicola Melly.

SPEAKER_00: 3:24

It's really interesting that who are you is such a big question and it's something that I think about quite a lot and I don't know if anyone else or you feel the same way, but who are you? So often I think we go to introduce ourselves by what defines us the most, which is my job. And I don't know if you feel the same about that. But I guess ultimately, who am I? I'm an imperfect human just trying to figure this life out. And subsequently, that has led me down the path of helping others do the same. So I spend my time being a life coach. I'm a trained cacao facilitator. I'm also an attuned energy healer, as well as a photography producer. And love island addict.

SPEAKER_01: 4:21

What can I say to that? Wow. I just love it. There's so much. Cacao ceremony facilitator. Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 4:30

Yes. So interestingly, I realized that I actually didn't even say my name, but my name is Nicola, if anyone's interested.

UNKNOWN: 4:38

I love this.

SPEAKER_00: 4:39

I start with my job, what I do.

SPEAKER_01: 4:42

But that's always a good place to start. So this is where we're going to kind of rewind. Nicola, welcome to Eternal Paradise. Thank you so much. Such a pleasure. I love, I love, love. Everything's all about love. Just for the heads up, I say amazing, interesting. That's interesting a lot. And that really irritates me. So if you're irritated by it, please tell me to shut up.

SPEAKER_00: 5:08

Well, actually, I'm going to start printing a line of spiritual based t-shirts at some point. And the first one's going to be, I've actually screen printed one that said, isn't that interesting?

UNKNOWN: 5:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 5:21

the most uttered as soon as you become very conscious of the language that you use isn't that interesting oh that's so interesting is the most uttered if I had a pound for every time I heard that phrase during my conversations or my friends I'd be pretty rich

SPEAKER_01: 5:41

you and me both would be minted right so apart from the kind of use of language when you ascend into different levels of consciousness. Tell me about well the cacao ceremonies because actually I'm going to ask you questions about so much because just in that I want to say little but big intro I could just sit here for hours.

SPEAKER_00: 6:06

So I found ceremonial cacao A few years ago, after I had my spiritual awakening, which was about four years ago, I went to a sound like a gong bath, which was being held with ceremonial cacao. And it was with a woman whose name I can't remember, but she was from South America, where obviously cacao originates or one of the places that cacao originates from. It was in a studio in London. I'd read a little bit about cacao and how it was good for basically doing deep inner journeying work. So it's not psychedelic, but it is psychoactive. So it puts you in the chemical composition of it in its rawest form, even though it's not strictly completely raw, means that basically relaxes the soft muscle tissue and dilates your blood vessels as well. So it puts you in a very physically relaxed state, but then it also increases the production of dopamine and serotonin in the brain, as well as then inducing a blocker, which stops those two things deteriorating. So it puts you in an elevated love state. in the brain and so it's used for spiritual work internal work because it puts you in a great relaxed yet alert state for you know going deep and journeying with the self so I went to a ceremony and for many reasons I was hugely disappointed because the studio I did it in was having a like 90s rave drum and bass dance class in the studio next door so obviously you know it's very hard to really relax Yeah. So I was cold and I was irritated. I was just like very disappointed and then didn't really get anything out of it at all. And then a few or a couple of years later, I kind of got into, there's a woman called Rebecca Sharman. I don't know if you've heard of her. She has ritual cacao. I started doing her sporadic sort of ceremonies here and there. But during the first lockdown, So last year, I did a three-week challenge where I started drinking cacao every morning, a half a dose rather than a full ceremonial dose, and sort of like went on a bit of a journey of how it was affecting me, what was going on. Was it increasing my awareness? Was it increasing my happiness? I should also say that the spirit cacao is a plant medicine. So it has a very rich history. It has quite dark history as well with like the Mayans and the Aztecs. They used to use it for a ritual sacrifice and also before they went into battle so it's quite yeah wow has a very very rich history which we won't go into here but obviously if people want to look read about it I highly recommend it's quite fascinating so yeah I went on a bit of a journey with it myself it expands the energy of the heart the spirit of the plant works with the heart energy and I do have quite challenging and interesting heart energy blockage kind of things that is something that I work on quite a lot. So you're saying all of this with a smile. That's what I love. It's like, I

SPEAKER_01: 10:03

have this challenging energy. Very,

SPEAKER_00: 10:08

very aware of myself. Yeah. And I know, yes, I know what's going on. Yeah. So I started drinking it and I just noticed that obviously everything was very trying at that point in time, being self-employed and, you know, being, I lived by myself. So being self, solely relying on yourself during a pandemic when everything is going a bit nuts. So I was drinking cacao and I actually noticed that I was a lot more open. Also, my level of self-inquiry was really increasing. And then I sat a cacao ceremony where you drink, well, you don't have to, but I drank a full ceremonial dose of and had a really beautiful journey. And I don't really remember much from it, but I woke up the next morning and my first thought was, it's time to move to Cornwall, which is where I am currently. Yes. I'd been thinking about it for years, but with the usual, very socially conditioned head on, my life was in London, my friends were in London, my job and security and home were in London. So I kind of ignored that heart calling that was like I want a new adventure and I was very much like no head like practical blah blah blah but it woke up and I was just like my life in London is done now like it's time for something different and it was really interesting because normally I would find a way to talk myself out of it oh practical things you know pandemic times work money blah blah blah but I was like do we really want to do this and my heart was like yes and yes yes yes and I was like can we do this and it was so interesting because my ego was really very non-present at that point like it was like my ego was like actually I'm kind of into this idea as well and so we started looking we me and my ego together started looking yeah my ego yes I feel like there's like a song in there somewhere But yeah, so I started looking for homes, started getting really excited. And I just handed my notice in on my flat straight away. So there was like no turning back. Yeah. And then I just, you know, everything snowballed. And it was very interesting because actually I had a tarot card reading with Rebecca Sharman as well after I'd made the decision. And all the cards that came out were really like supportive cards. of what was going on with me like it was all like change and traveling and all of these things so yeah it all felt very much that everything was coming together at exactly the right time and it was absolutely the best decision the scariest decision because I was like hey guys like all my friends are like so guys I'm like moving out of London in two weeks and everyone was like double what the fuck yeah

SPEAKER_01: 13:03

exactly not only in two weeks it's like I know we're kind of in this pandemic thing but I got shit to do yeah other stuff Exactly. You guys carry on with this.

SPEAKER_00: 13:14

Yeah, you do what you've got to do. Leaving London, everyone was like, well, it kind of makes sense. And also, I'm sure that they were like, we've got somewhere to stay in Cornwall now because it's absolutely impossible to find anywhere to stay in Cornwall. This is

SPEAKER_01: 13:26

true. So I guess at that point, all the tarot cards, the frames, everyone was really encouraging.

SPEAKER_00: 13:32

Absolutely. All my family, like there wasn't one person that was like, you've lost your mind. Everyone was like, yeah. do it, go for it. And I think ultimately, it's so easy to talk yourself out of the things that you want in life. Like the ego is so present, whether we're aware of it or whether we're not. And even when we're aware of it, it's very easy to still buy into. But ultimately, what is the worst that's going to happen? what's the worst that's going to happen? And when you start looking at what's the worst going to happen, that's when you actually get into the real good juice of like, well, what are my core fears? What are the shadow beliefs that are holding me back? And that led me down another path of self-inquiry of like, okay, like what's here to explore? What are my fears? I knew 100%, like it didn't really... matter what happened I knew that I'd be okay throughout all the trials and tribulations of life taught me anything it was that ultimately I'm pretty adept at landing on my feet so gosh I

SPEAKER_01: 14:37

love I just love that's interesting by the way there's so much what is the ceremonial dose of cacao

SPEAKER_00: 14:46

so ceremonial cacao if you're buying it the powdered stuff that you buy in like Holland and Barrett That isn't ceremonial. It's usually still cacao, but it's usually like roasted at quite high temperatures, which obviously starts to break down. As soon as you apply heat to anything, it starts to break down its natural chemical composition. Ceremonial cacao is cacao that's not... entirely raw because you have to roast it ever so slightly to get the skins off. It's harvested from the tree and then it's like fermented and then they roast it to take the skins off and stuff. And then they make it into like a paste or what they call a liquor. And so it's as much in its natural untreated form as it possibly can be, which keeps all of its chemical composition. So a ceremonial dose is 42 grams of that.

SPEAKER_01: 15:41

Specific. and the relevance

SPEAKER_00: 15:44

of that. Yeah. I don't know what, who found out that 42 grams was the optimum. That's quite an interesting thing to have a look into actually. But I guess someone or somewhere along the line, someone was like, 42 grams is the best one to play with. Probably the same person that would like dabble with mushrooms and stuff like that. That's way too much. Don't do that. Someone was like, you've got to honor the ancestors who first tried out mushrooms because there was one that's like, ooh, This one tastes of beef. This one killed Brian. And this one made me see God for a week.

SPEAKER_01: 16:20

Brilliant. So you know which one. Just stay away from that one.

SPEAKER_00: 16:26

But yeah, so it's 42 grams and you mix it. So you chop it very finely. Like the process starts with, obviously because it's a plant spirit, the process of communion and communication with it starts from the moment you start chopping it. I prepare mine in silence and I allow myself to connect to the energy of it and allow whatever wants to come up during that time and be present with it. You chop it down very finely, then mix it with about 200 milliliters, 250 of water. Don't boil it because obviously you start boiling it, you're breaking down the chemical composition of it. So the water needs to be heated and just, you know, cook it very, Gently and slowly add a bit of cayenne pepper into it because the cayenne helps it get into the system quicker. Yeah. Then once you prepare it, it's usually like a ceremonial dose. It's usually quite thick. It's not the easiest thing to drink. You know, everyone's like, ooh, chocolate, delicious. And you drink it and you're like, what is this? You know, like medicine. I don't know if anyone's ever done any plant medicines before, but like there have been times when I've drunk ayahuasca and there have been times when I've drunk ceremonial cacao and I've been like, I can't drink this.

SPEAKER_01: 17:46

Oh, wow. And What have you found the difference to be between ayahuasca and the cacao?

SPEAKER_00: 17:52

What, taste-wise? Yeah. It's so... Do you know what I find really fascinating? I found a different word rather than interesting. Nice. Every time I drink ceremonial cacao, it tastes different. Some days it will be, like, really sweet and really palatable, and some days I can't drink it, and if I can't drink it, I won't, because usually it's the body's way of saying,''No, I don't want this today.'' I think that sometimes it maybe it also reflects the energy of the self or the energy of what's going on, because sometimes, you know, you do feel a bit sweeter in life and sometimes maybe you feel a bit more bitter and it's a bit challenging and stuff. I mean, naturally, it is really bitter, really bitter. Not like eating a hot chocolate at all. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 18:37

No, chocolate is, I want to say it's a bastardised thing. version of anything really it

SPEAKER_00: 18:43

is very interestingly I'm only just really making this bizarre connection right now but I did I've done many many jobs in my time but I did go for a period where I did the PR for Lindt the Swiss chocolate brand the chocolatiers yes what chocolate naturally is and what we have on the shelves in the supermarket are dramatically different products 500 grams of ceremonial cacao will cost you about£50.

SPEAKER_01: 19:14

The real stuff.

SPEAKER_00: 19:16

Yeah. And, you know, a 500 gram bar of chocolate will cost you what? Depending on what brand you're buying anywhere from like a pound to maybe£3.50. And the real difference is like if you start looking into what it's packed out with... And the amount of sugar that's in it, all of those things. I mean, most chocolate brands are like heavily vegetable, fat, palm oil, those kind of things. Also, farmers aren't always paid a fair wage because it's all done by hand. Like the process is all done by hand. When you look into the chocolate bar trade, There's a lot about it that is highly unethical.

SPEAKER_01: 20:04

Highly unethical. Incredibly dark.

SPEAKER_00: 20:06

Even when they try and push ethics. I mean, it's the same. We're not going to, I won't get onto a rant about capitalism. We're saving that for later. That's coming, right? But yeah, it is highly, highly removed. But then that's a lot of life in general though, isn't it? The parallel, right? Yeah, a beautiful origin of something that is based purely for love and connection of the self and then we take it and turn it into a capitalist venture, brand it and rewrap it and sell it as fast as we possibly can to make as much money as we can. And I think we did just go on a capitalist rant, sorry. No, I

SPEAKER_01: 20:50

like the capitalist rant. And in that process, you end up conditioning people into believing in a certain way, removing people from their kind of essence as well.

SPEAKER_00: 21:01

Well, it's everything. It's all about removing everyone from their spiritual essence.

SPEAKER_01: 21:07

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 21:08

Before I had my awakening, I was very much completely removed from my spiritual asset. Like I didn't believe in spirit. You'd see like hippies and things like that, but I was just like, God, tie dye, incense, not for me. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. I was very much like, you know, I worked for... big corporate companies my focus was always making money and spending money you know obtaining things to try and find some idea of what happiness is meant to be or the idea of happiness that is sold to us or you know work hard play hard like all of these things and then when I had my awakening I was like oh my fucking god like hold on a second what is the true meaning of life What happened? What was

SPEAKER_01: 22:02

your awakening? What got you to that point?

SPEAKER_00: 22:05

So I was becoming more and more removed from myself. It was really quite interesting because I was becoming more and more aware of how far I would go to remove myself from feeling anything. You know, like my jobs were always super stressful and consuming work. all hours. I wouldn't spend any time in silence. I would always have headphones on. I was always reading and listening to something at the same time. How do you even do that? It's craziness. My weekends were spent going shopping, going out to bars and restaurants, and I was partying quite a lot. Every morning, I would wake up and just be so full of regret. my underlying thought was always like, something's not right here. Something's really, really not right. I had probably for quite a few years had instances of that real impasse of like, I'm not entirely sure if I'm down with life, but I don't want to be dead either. And I would always come to, I would always hit this kind of like rock bottom where that would be my thing. But I never actually wanted to be, I was never like, I got to the point where I was like, actually, do you know what? I'm really fucking done with this. Like, I don't get it. And then obviously, from that moment, I would make decisions and be like, well, let's remove the things, the things that are making me the most unhappy, let's change them. So I was always, you know, changing job, changing home. But the reality is you take yourself everywhere. And the one thing that I wasn't doing was going like, hey, What's really going on with you? I was always like, it's external circumstances. It's my job. It's my partner. It's that I don't weigh enough. I'm not thin enough, or I'm not pretty enough, or I don't earn enough money, or I don't go on enough holidays, or I don't have enough shoes and things like that. So yeah, and then I got to a point where I was like, okay, something has to really change here. Because I'm not happy at all. So I stopped drinking. I stopped partying. You know, I was doing pot yoga, juice cleanses, like all of these things. Even after like probably like two months of that behavior, I remember laying on my yoga mat. I felt so disconnected from my body in like Savasana. That's the point where you're meant to feel real relaxation and connection. And I was just like, pah. I'm not happy. I don't know what's going on. I just don't feel anything. But then just carried on kind of blindly being like, I guess I'll figure it out some way, shape or form. And a few months later, my granddad was really ill in hospital. I saw him in a really bad state and it really triggered me. I hadn't been drinking. And then two nights later, I went out and got absolutely hammered. Absolutely. Like one of my friends was like, she was like, I don't think I've ever seen you that drunk. Because normally I'm quite an in control person. But I was just like, I just wanted oblivion. I just wanted to feel nothing. And I was just like, God, I just don't know what to do. What is really going on here? And one of my friends was like, oh, go and see, why don't you go and see my energy healer? And I was like, oh, that's such bollocks. I was like, I don't think that's for me. And, you know, like I had absolutely no belief in anything apart from science, whatever that means, the version of science that is completely removed from real scientific teaching or spirituality, which is a lot of what science is based on. But anyway, she was like, you've got nothing to lose. And I was like, actually, it's a really good point. So a couple of days before I had my healing, I was like, maybe I should just cancel it and book a massage instead. It's like really trying to talk myself out of it. I was like, I don't want to do this. It seems like a real waste of money. But anyway, I went and Josie, the beautiful angel who is my healer, I met her. And for the first time, like I told her things that I told no one. I mean, I'd done a bit of therapy. here and there and actually before this point I just got a new therapist as well because I was like you need to talk to someone about this stuff you know I had a really open honest conversation with her about me and like she asked me quite a lot of stuff about my past and anyway I had this healing and all of a sudden I felt like I was having a panic attack this weight was just pushing down on my chest like pushing and pushing and pushing down on my chest and And I went through a phase of having panic attacks and stuff. And I was like, fuck, I'm having another panic attack. Sorry, I swear quite a lot. And she was like, just let go. Just let go of that. And I was like, okay. So all of a sudden, this rush of energy just flew up my body and came out of my mouth. And I was animalistic, wailing, crying to the point where I started laughing so much because I was like whose fucking mouth is that coming out of like is that coming out of me and I had a really really big cry and she was just like that's years old and I was like yeah that and it was really weird because the energy felt old like it didn't feel like do you know when you cry about something and it happens and it's immediate and you understand what this I had no explanation for apart from the fact that it was in me and it had just come out anyway so I left there and I was like oh I felt like obviously a bit knackered but quite light

SPEAKER_01: 28:04

totally released

SPEAKER_00: 28:06

and then a couple of days later I got really ill couldn't get out of bed I was vomiting all the time I had really bad diarrhea and sorry if this is too much for anyone but my body was basically purging all of this toxicity that I've been holding on And I couldn't do anything. Like I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't listen to anything. I couldn't talk to anyone. And so I was just forced to be in bed that whole time. And then all of a sudden, my inner voice came back to me. It was like, hey, Nicola. And I was like... Okay, I've gone full tilt mental now. And it's like, so we're gonna have a bit of a chat. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna tell you some of the reasons why you do the things you do. And why you've been living your life the way that you have. And I was like, okay. And literally, I had this internal dialogue with myself. And it was all like, all about basically that I'd been holding on to a lot of stuff from my childhood. Yeah. For so many years, my parents didn't have the happiest relationship. I mean, obviously, I'm not going to go into the full story of it because it's not just my story to tell. And I want to be respectful of that. But I guess my part in it and my experience was that, you know, I had parents who eventually were married for 16 years and divorced when I was like 15, 16. And it wasn't easy at all. But at the time, I'd never really dealt with it because you don't. Everyone's just trying to cope. Everyone's just trying to get on with it. And I sort of started pulling things out of Pandora's box and being like, okay, I can actually see why I make all of these decisions, why I've gone down this path and stuff. So it was really interesting. And I went to see my therapist two weeks later and I was like, so something really weird has happened. And I was like, I think I've had a bit of a spiritual awakening. And I kind of realized why I do all of these things and why I've been unhappy and why I've been trying to numb myself for so many years. Because it's like this, this, this, this. And she was like, draw on the floor oh my god she's like yes yes of course yeah So and that's what started me off on this path. And I went back and I was having more healings. And I was obviously seeing my therapist. So going into a very deep line of inquiry. Then I had this like a month later, I was walking down the street home from work. And I just remembered feeling so alone. overwhelmingly happy, like light for the first time in years, connected with myself. And then I had this like realization that I wanted to really help others discover themselves and heal. Then I went and did my energy attunements as well. And that in itself ends up unearthing a lot more of everything that you do when you tread the path of healing facilitator or maybe it's just me maybe other people do realize but what you don't realize is that you actually spend your whole entire life doing work on

SPEAKER_01: 31:27

yourself no

SPEAKER_00: 31:27

but you're right and you become your biggest piece of work at your guide and your teacher as well absolutely but that's what life should be like I had this conversation with a client the other day the biggest project the most important project anyone will ever work on in their entire life is themselves We all work hard. The more you focus on yourself, the happier you'll become. Even though sometimes you'll be like, okay, this is quite hard to look at. And there are parts of me that I don't want to acknowledge or I'm not ready to acknowledge and stuff. But ultimately, the more you shine light on the darkness, the lighter you become. And the easier life becomes and the more, you know, I... realized that I'd become very closed off to people as well. Even though I had lots of friends and I was very social, the reality was I didn't really let anyone close to me. And the more you work on yourself and the more you open up to yourself, the more you open up to everyone and the more easier it is to relate to people as well on a real human level rather than a superficial level. the language that we use like oh how are you I'm fine yeah the f

SPEAKER_01: 32:45

word

SPEAKER_00: 32:46

I'm fine I'm

SPEAKER_01: 32:47

busy you know while you're talking that whole thing so I guess my moment was when I almost kind of compare it to you know that moment when those old 90s tv shows when you go in to have a makeover and they put you in that mirrored box it's like look at yourself in your underwear and it's like Really torturous, right? That is kind of how I almost like have had to deal with my darkness to deal with my demons. And they ain't pretty, they are not nice. But actually, being in a confined space with them, just me and my demons is actually where it's at.

SPEAKER_00: 33:29

it's so interesting isn't it because we label things as good and label things as bad and lame like like the demons are like the bad parts of us like oh I've got my demons yeah and the thing is the demons are there because they're the one the parts of us that are crying out to be loved are crying out to be seen certainly for me like for a really long time I was just like This needs to be improved. This needs to be improved. This needs to be improved. And actually, it was nothing needed to be improved. It's just that I needed to love myself and accept myself more. With no improvement necessary, just knowing that whatever the demons are, are there because it's a part of us that is crying out for something. Even now, I'm always like, if I have demons or things like that, really ahead, I'm just like, come hang out with me. Yeah. Come be with me. Let's have a cup of tea. Yeah, I'm not going to banish you or tell you that you should be something else or you have to be a specific way to be lovable. You're fine absolutely as you are. And I think that as soon as you realize that you find that real like radical self-acceptance of the parts of you you don't like, the easier that life becomes because that part of you doesn't need to play up for attention.

SPEAKER_01: 34:43

That's so true. Yeah. Totally. So I'm going to not say, oh, that's interesting. I agree and all that. But I do. Totally. I want to ask you now about what is your vision now that you're in Cornwall and there's all this stuff happening? Because I want to ask also, are you actually running? cacao ceremonies over there are you going to start because I want to know so when I'm in Cornwall I know where to go oh my

SPEAKER_00: 35:12

god you're so more than welcome so I was doing a bit of cacao ceremonies online and then I realized that I had to do some more work on myself before I was holding space for other people so I stopped but actually I'm holding a private ceremony for two people on Monday and then her and I are going to hold a holistic yoga cacao ceremony workshop together. Amazing. And will you send me details? I will send you details, yes. It'll be some point in August, but... The plan has been to find a space to hold regular ceremonies out of because I'm also in the middle of doing a sound healing diploma. So I'm very much into shamanic drums and crystal bowls and gongs. But As of yet, that space hasn't presented itself to me. So, you know, everything always works out in the right time. You have to trust in the process, even when it's not going your way. But I'm just going to start doing some ceremonies here and there and just see what happens. I think ultimately, I am one of these people who I find everything fascinating. You know, like I really love learning. One of my biggest joys is actually learning about things. And I find healing modalities absolutely fascinating. When I did my Reiki achievements, I was never like I wanted to be a full time healer. And when I did my coaching, I was like, I never foresee myself as being a full time coach for the rest of my life. for me I guess and this probably comes on to my bigger vision is that ultimately the reason that I've moved here was because during a cacao ceremony I had a vision of me opening an immersive healing center here which is I kind of like coin it like the center parks of healing but I've never been to Centre Park, so I'm not going to say anything untoward about Centre Park. I'm sure it's great. I have no idea. But, you know, like somewhere where it's like a nice, big, open facility for adults to come and rediscover who they are through access to healing, different healing modalities, but also, you know, going back to school in a way, like having art classes, pottery classes, music classes. Like I want to have... modern choir, dance classes. I want to have like the land. So it's like permaculture. And so everything that comes off the grounds is used in the kitchen. Also have it so it's a social enterprise. So there's a real issue here in Cornwall. Lots of cafes and like lots of restaurants are basically really, really short staffed because it's The housing market here has rocketed so much that people can't afford to buy or rent. People who do jobs that are traditionally minimum wage or a little bit higher can't actually afford to live in the area. I guess unless you live with your parents. So what I believe is that if you're going to open a venture somewhere, then you have a responsibility to look after those around you. You know, how do you give jobs to the local? How do you create jobs for local people, even when people aren't necessarily skilled in that way, but doing things like giving grants to people if they want to retrain to do something else and having wages that are living wage? not minimum wage and I know it's not easy for everyone and I know it sounds very idealistic but you know the reality is that it all comes from how much profit you're willing to take away and for me I've always wanted a business that is primarily about giving back in some way like help it I I met this amazing woman once and she was so inspiring and her name's Cressy Westling fundamentally what she does is she's like a problem solver. And I guess coming from a producing background is that I am very naturally a problem solver. And so I think creating something is amazing, but creating based on what problem is it solving is really important. And with the retreat facility, I feel like It helps twofold, which is it helps people rediscover their essence and bring them back to their spirit and how we are, how by nature we are community-based. You know, back in the old days, everyone worked together. You lived in communities where you all helped each other build your houses. You all looked after each other's kids. You all cooked and everyone ate communally. And that's what it should be, like primarily looking after each other should be a joy. And so I really want to help adults rediscover their inner essence, also create jobs for local people, and also create social housing as well. Because I think that it's one of those things where building things is all well and good and great. But when things are being built to just be sold for maximum profit to the highest bidder. It's just perpetrating a problem that becomes increasingly out of control when there is no market intervention at all. And that's exactly what's happening here in Cornwall. The market has increased so much. It's now the most popular place to buy in the country. But if you look at it socioeconomically, it's one of the poorest parts of the country.

SPEAKER_01: 41:16

It's

SPEAKER_00: 41:17

just

SPEAKER_01: 41:18

astonishing. I just wanna ask you a question in terms of the immersive healing experience. Where do I sign up?

SPEAKER_00: 41:27

That's where it's at. Well, I mean, I guess I don't... I mean, no

SPEAKER_01: 41:32

pressure. I mean, are you thinking this year or

SPEAKER_00: 41:35

when? I have so many notebooks around this place where I've done outlines of exactly what I want, what I want to offer to people. And I guess what's kind of nice is the more I delve into the healing arts... the more I discover things that I know really work and things that work in tandem and stuff like that. So for me, it seems very natural to be like, I understand so many different things about so many different things that to pull it all together in one place. So people could come and book in for a weekend. People could come and book in for a month. Even to the point where I was thinking the other day that actually people could come and book in If you created a, I always joke and say like, I want to create a commune, but actually the reality is that to me, it doesn't really feel like much of a joke anymore. To me, it feels like something that actually would be a really beautiful venture. And maybe it's a case of, there's this amazing guy. I don't know if you've heard of him. I think his name, Michael B. Singer, and he wrote The Surrender Experiment. Have you read it? No,

SPEAKER_01: 42:49

but tell me more.

SPEAKER_00: 42:51

He, I'm obviously going to very much paraphrase this and probably get some things wrong, but he basically, like many years ago, I think he's in his 60s now, when he was around about 19, 20-ish, he became very aware of his ego, the voice inside of the head. And he was like, what is this voice inside the head? Where does it come from? What's its function? And he was doing, I think he was like studying economics or something at quite a prestigious university in the States. I might be getting this wrong, but basically he dropped out and he decided that he just wanted to meditate. He felt like he found meditation and he realized that meditation was really stilling and calming the mind and calming the ego. And he was just like, not really up for life. I want to get camper van, go off to the woods and meditate. And so he did. And he went to, I think it was like Mexico. He just found this like filled somewhere there was no one around and these two guys came across him and like his ego was like who are these guys I just want to be by myself I don't want it and anyway these two guys like talking to him and they offered him one of their horses and he went for like this amazing ride on this horse and he kind of realized that if he bought into his ego and said no he would have missed that incredible soul life-affirming experience that he had with that horse being completely free and completely one with another creature and so he was like so what happens if you did exactly the opposite of your ego and so he came back to the states and basically but he still wanted to be a bit of a nomad and a loner so he ended up buying a piece of land with nothing on it to just live on by himself. And he just found that people kept coming and finding him and being like, what are you doing here? Like, oh, can I build up something on this land? And he learned to build his home that he had on it. He taught himself with a couple of friends. They taught themselves electrical wiring and plumbing and all of these things. And then a couple saw the house off the road and they came and found him. They're like, will you build... our house. And he was like, I'm not a trained builder. I did this with my mates. And they were like, we don't care. And so he ended up having a building firm that built houses just by chance of saying yes to when things came along and he wanted to say no, he said yes. So he then, I can't remember what it's called now, but basically his piece of land, more, he was doing like Sunday, we were doing like Sunday service, but it was like spiritual based, so like meditation, getting in touch with the self. And he just found that like more and more people were coming. They were building more houses and like space on it. And it basically turned into this spiritual commune. And there's another very elaborate part of the book where basically he became a multimillionaire as well, because he was one of the first designers of a software database

SPEAKER_01: 45:52

wow

SPEAKER_00: 45:52

he designed this huge medical database in the states the first medical database that keeps all medical records and he ended up becoming a multi-millionaire through it and then also ended up being investigated by the FBI because one of his team was doing like fraud loads of fraudulent activity with the company and stuff so it goes I mean obviously goes on to lots of different like talking about his life and how sometimes you have to just things happen out of your control and you're like, I just have to trust that everything's going to be okay. And so it's a great, anyone is interested, it's called The Surrender Experiment.

SPEAKER_01: 46:28

The Surrender Experiment. I have made a note of that.

SPEAKER_00: 46:31

It's a very good book and very interesting. And I think for me, the thing that interests me the most is like having that space to I guess in a way it is like being a bit of like a shaman, holding the community together, having the community's interest as the highest good collectively. And, you know, how do people come together? How do they work together? How do we look after each other? How do we nurture each other? How do we nourish each other? For me, those are the most important questions that humanity face right now, because... The biggest crisis that we have is the complete lack of spiritual connection to ourselves as a whole. Because I do truly believe the more that you're connected to yourself, the more you're connected to nature. Oh, agreed. Yeah. The oneness of everything. There is no separation at all. We're all just reflections of each other. The good and what is labeled the good, what is labeled the bad. The good, the bad, whatever that is. Yeah.

UNKNOWN: 47:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:36

And the more we see that and we choose to come together rather than be separate, the better life will become. But life is designed to be divisive. And the more divided we are, the easily controlled we are. And that was like the beginning of last year, I had another really big awakening to the reality of this system that we live in, in this country and globally.

SPEAKER_01: 48:04

whenever I'm talking to my husband who now listens to me when I talk to him about stuff like this I say to him like I get it it's like the matrix it is the matrix you haven't seen that yet have you? No

SPEAKER_00: 48:17

I haven't I think when you and I spoke last time I just watched it I mean I'm not surprised the first time I watched it I think like a boyfriend of mine at the time made me watch it and I was like oh God, I can't be bothered with this. I don't get it. And then I was like, I'm going to watch The Matrix and see what everyone's talking about. And I started watching it and I was just like that blown brain emoji. Like, oh my God. This film actually goes into some really deep philosophical questions about what is reality? What is life really? And I honestly think that reality is whatever you choose it to be. I don't think it's ever been more apparent that two people can coexist in different realities.

SPEAKER_01: 49:05

Oh, so true.

SPEAKER_00: 49:06

And because your reality is whatever your head is telling you is your reality. A couple of years ago, I did an ayahuasca retreat. It was the most eye-opening and unexpected. I mean, I knew it was going to be a big deal because my ego was hugely resistant to it. But So much of the journeys that I experienced were all about what is reality and how much you create reality as well and how you can decide what your reality is. But in any given moment, you can decide your reality is something different. It's all about perspective. Wow. And I came back and I was quite a broken human being. Okay. Basically, I've realized that everything is meaningless and nothing is real how do I then go and fit back into my old like I'm back on Monday morning I go back to work and sit at my desk and like just get on like I'm exactly the same person where I feel like the old me just like shattered and fell apart yeah and I'm like well what is life what is reality what are what are all of these things and but that is like

SPEAKER_01: 50:20

I don't Because I love the fact that you're constantly asking questions. You know, that inquiry is always there, that curiosity, that inquisitiveness. But at that point, for me, the biggest thing that comes up is I'm here to play. I'm here to play. And what happened for you at that point?

SPEAKER_00: 50:39

Well, I think, do you know what? It's interesting. I hope someone's keeping a tally of how many times we say it's interesting on this podcast. Because I... I actually think one of my biggest challenges is that sometimes I get so swept up in self-inquiry. I always jokingly say that I'm two steps away from an existential crisis. at any given time, always. Because I always like, what is the meaning? And why does this happen? And blah, blah, blah. But like, if this exists, then why does this exist? And how can I do this, but still do that and get so wrapped up in trying to like, think my way through and out the other side of something that actually, I would forget that the reality is that you foremost you came here for a human experience whatever that looks like I don't know it's an individual expression of the self but one of my big things is on my to-do list or like goals for the month is always like have more fun learn to play learn to enjoy things but it's very challenging isn't it because like kids when I was a child I was so lucky because my parents gave me so much to play with I had toys I had creative toys I had records music and creativity and fun and I was very indulged and I was very lucky but at some point I everything becomes really serious. And I personally think it's probably when you start, when you go into senior school and the primary conditioning really starts and really kicks in, when we're all being molded to learn the same things, wear the same clothes, only think the way that we're told we're allowed to think, not to question any, how dare you question anyone? How dare you question authority? all of those things about being wrangled to be the same mind, to think the same way, to behave the same way, to be docile is appalling. And then all of a sudden, it's testing becomes the thing, performance, you're measured by how good your grades are, how well behaved you are, the length you wear your skirt, everything becomes performance monitored. And basically, we set children up to learn that you live in a world that is your performance is monitored constantly. And then you go out, you might go to university and experience exactly the same thing again, for a really prolonged period of time, which is a really long time of conditioning of how to behave, then you go out into the work world and you're told that you have to perform. You have to have a job to be a functioning member of society. You have to earn money because you need to save up to buy a home, to get into a hugely inflated mortgage that you're going to spend the next 25 years of your life paying to get a car, have a family, all of these things. Everything is about feeding the system of capitalism and consumerism. That is what life is. Unless you are taught to see a different way. But for the majority of us, We're all taught to view life that way. I mean, like no one ever, I don't, I mean, I studied economics at A-level. No, I really paid that much attention. I just wanted to go on the two school trips that they had to like Paris and to Belgium. That's an aside. But no one actually talks to you like for a really good reason, right? You're not taught what emotional intelligence is. Oh, of course not. Absolutely not. The most fundamental part of being human you're not taught about.

SPEAKER_01: 54:39

But this is what you do now as a life coach. We're here because we are not only learning and picking ourselves up, but we're also helping people who have been hoodwinked by the system

SPEAKER_00: 54:51

And

SPEAKER_01: 54:52

turn into circus monkeys, basically. Perform, do this, do that. And we set our children up to fail because we've been set up to fail.

SPEAKER_00: 55:02

Oh, I mean, absolutely. I remember when I first... I actually first decided I wanted to be a life coach probably about six or seven years ago. I had, at one point, had a proper nervous breakdown. I had a whole weekend where... I couldn't get out of bed because I was crying so much because I was just like, I'm so fundamentally unhappy. And on paper, I worked at a good company in a creative job that lots of people would have given their right arm to have. I had a boyfriend and I had great friends and I had a social life and I had my own home. All of these things seemingly, but I was fundamentally miserable. I somehow ended up reading this book. article about this woman who had become so burnt out through stress that her back completely went and she ended up spending six months in bed because she couldn't move and that's what induced her spiritual awakening and then she became a life coach and I remembered reading that and I was like oh my fucking god that's what I want to do I want to help people but I obviously realized that they were like that's what you're going to do but you really need to sort your shit out first before you do any of this and I was like okay fine I obviously didn't realize that at the time but I remember saying to my mom I was like I really want to be a life coach and she was like that's a ridiculous job why can't people just suck it up and get on with it? I mean, bless her. To be fair, she's spent a lot of her life sucking stuff up and getting on with it in not the easiest of circumstances. So, you know, understandable reaction. But it's such a common reaction. Like when people are like, oh, I've got a life coach or I'm going to be a life coach. I think so many people think that it's so indulgent. Like, you know, why can't you just be happy with what you've got? The reality is that, as you say, we've been hoodwinked. This is not how life is meant to be. There's no way that your higher intelligence decided to come here to get a job, pay taxes, if you're lucky, have enough money to go on holidays, maybe a couple of times a year, eat junk food, drink alcohol, all of these things that we're so conditioned to do that just remove us further and further away from the truth of who we are. It's actual insanity. And then I think once you've seen that that's how the world is structured, you can't ever unsee that. For me, my passion is about helping people rediscover themselves, rediscovering their power. Because for a really long time, and there are still times when I talk myself out of doing things because the usual things like security, home, money and stuff, but then I'm like, we all know that none of this is real it's just all a construct so I'm usually always working with at least two people at a time when I'm going through changes or when I want to make changes in my life and stuff like that because I understand that you know my conditioning runs really deep

SPEAKER_01: 58:12

yeah I totally hear what you're saying

SPEAKER_00: 58:15

I need someone to call me out on my bullshit Yes. And be like, are you buying into a story of how you think life is rather than the reality? Which is the reality is you can actually do anything you set your mind to. You've just got to believe in yourself. And if you don't believe in yourself, go find someone who does and make yourself accountable to them. Do

SPEAKER_01: 58:37

you have a question for the listeners before you go?

SPEAKER_00: 58:43

Yeah. Do I have a question for the listeners? Do you know what? I think I'm going to start with the question that you asked me. Who are you? I guess it's something that I touched on very briefly, but one of the things that I've realized is like, who are you? Who are you? What are you made up of? If you listed all of your personality traits, the things you think you are, the stories of your life, Who told you that's how you are? How did you come to think that that is how life is for you? And what happens if you dropped all of the personality, all of the constructs of who you think you are? Who are you? So I guess that's the question. If you dropped all of the constructs of your personality and who you think you are, Who are you? I hope you enjoyed that.

SPEAKER_01: 59:41

Thank you for joining me for this episode of eternal paradigm. Join me next time.